Moving and New Beginnings

Sorry I didn't write last week, journal {and anyone reading this}. I have just moved from the BYU Bubble all the way to... Orem. I know, quite a move.

It brought with it a lot of changes, even though the geographic change is barely noticeable.

I don't quite feel alone, but I don't know how I've been feeling lately, because I am definitely the most alone I have ever been, and sometimes it can be quite hard. It's not that people aren't around, I have a Korean roommate and she has lots of her friends over quite often, but I definitely feel out of place, and yet right where I should be.

Last week I couldn't find my ward and that's when it really hit me that I was alone. I didn't have my usual support systems in place and though was fine, it made me wake up to the reality of faith a little more. I didn't have internet and so forgot to write about it here, for which I apologize. It was hard, not knowing quite where I fit, and that I didn't have a ward and couldn't pay tithing, and all sorts of things came to my awareness.

I found it this week and where I wasn't immediately overwhelmed with unshakable understanding and the windows of heaven opening revealing in all majesty that this is where I am supposed to be, I am confident that I will grow to learn that.

One thing that really stuck out to me today is that I need to pray for more humility, that I may yield my heart to God. I definitely struggle in yielding my heart. I've been wanting to find ways to be of more service to my God and those around me and have felt so lost at what I could possibly do. I know as I pray that I can find ways, through the guidance of the Spirit, that I can use my talents to serve in the Kingdom of God.

It is by turning to God that I can find who I truly am. Not just who I say I am, and not just who God says I am, but the truth... if that makes sense. Lately I've been thinking about that, truth v. just what God says (yes, I know God is a God of Truth), and I was at peace again knowing that God could show truth unto me.

I've also been thinking about how we all want to be important. We want our roles to be ... like Harry Potter, or something. We want to be important, valued, and needed. I was given a blessing today, as were my siblings, and in it, we heard how we were important. I often hear that and am cynical (not one of my better attributes), thinking that important could definitely mean different things, but not necessarily one of a kind, not necessarily the Chosen One, or whatever. I just have to remember that it is like a puzzle. One piece is not greater than the other, and we are not complete without each other, and my piece is very valued, even if it is not the picture in its entirety. See, even Harry Potter didn't do it on his own, he didn't even do it with just Hermione, Ron, and Dumbledore. We just see it from his perspective, and yes, he did have a crucial role, but I'm getting off track here.

We are the heroes of our own lives, and we need to have faith that God is in charge and will direct our paths as we lean on His understanding of truth and not our own, and as we rely on His strength and acknowledge our limits. We can't do it alone, but we can further our important work, in which we each have a crucial role. Yield your heart and your understanding, little by little, day by day.Things will work out, and if not, well, change your perspective. Go forward with whatever level of faith you can manage.

War in Heaven, War on Earth: Politics

This idea is definitely limited, because there isn’t one side who is truly evil, and one who is truly good. So, keep that in mind with what I have to say.

War in Heaven:

No blood shed

About issues

Difficult to separate the truth from the lies

Some only seek power, others seek to lead us on a better way.

Some make the wrong seem right, by the power of words and selective truths.

Wars in the Book of Mormon:

Dissenters—those who had the truth and purposely left, do the most damage

Use flattering words to gain support

Distract us from what is important

Alma 46:8-9 describes the power of one evil leader: he was incredibly persuasive; he made a lot of sense to a lot of people.

One righteous leader can shake the powers of hell, and it is this kind of leader that I strive to follow.

We are so divided today

Political War:

Mosiah 29:26-27 Now it is not common that the voice of the people desireth anything contrary to that which is right; but it is common for the lesser part of the people to desire that which is not right; therefore this shall ye observe and make it your law—to do your business by the voice of the people.

And if the time comes that the voice of the people doth choose iniquity, then is the time that the judgments of God will come upon you; yea, then is the time he will visit you with great destruction even as he has hitherto visited this land.

We have the choice to choose a path that follows our God, or turns away from Him. I remembered so strongly today why I have the political opinions I do.

I have so much I want to say on this topic, there is a reason there is such a long list.

Neither major political party nor its members are close to perfect. However, one is much closer with my testimony. Let me bring it back to the War in Heaven. One side believed that there shouldn’t be any question about who gets back to God, everyone should. And they knew how it should be. God would force us back, either by taking away choice or by making our choices not matter. That is one of my favorite discussions, but I’ll save it for another time. It is so strikingly similar to some aspects of politics today. See, no one would say that some people aren’t deserving of God’s love, everyone should be saved, and we want to be with all our loved ones in Heaven, don’t we?

It does matter what we choose though, no one is disputing that. We were not put in equal places in life, given the exact same life course, and the exact same outcome. We each have an experience tailored to our situation, and no, life is not fair and we shouldn’t stop trying to help those we can. In the same way, we should all come back to Christ, but we should come back because that is the kind of person we’ve become, not just because that is the way God’s laws were set up, that everyone gets a free pass.

In today’s world, we are faced with the same underlying questions, shouldn’t we all be given an equal portion? Of course. Do we have a perfect system? No. Should we just have the government force us to all be equal? Some would say yes, I definitely say no. Why? Because it changes who we become when expect, depend and are always given everything we need or want. We are different for a reason. We need to do our best to help those around us, but the government, like God, should not force us to be saints, and it shouldn’t make our efforts null because the result is the same. We need a better system, we need a righteous leader to help us get back.

Why do we say some children are spoiled? Is it possible for adults, even non-wealthy people, to be spoiled?

Yes.

How? I am spoiled when I just expect everything to be given to me, when I no longer have the internal motivation to help someone else, when I just do what I’m told and I no longer think for myself, when my opinion is lost, when who I am becomes just a cog in a machine.

Who are we becoming when we buy into these ideas? We are not becoming like our Savior.

What are we fighting for? We are not fighting life and mortal death battles here, but everyday battles of eternal significance for who we are becoming. Politics are a big part.

I will just end with this: Choose your vote wisely. Make your choices with care. These things have eternal significance. I know that we will either be led to Christ or away from Him as a country because of politics. Choose wisely, choose actively. Trust God, and remember, the war for our souls is still going, it didn’t end. I can make a difference, even if my candidate isn’t elected. Because of my choice, I am coming to know my God a little better, and see His perfect love for each of His children. And now, I am more motivated to find better solutions and elect better people to help even more of my brothers and sisters.

Look Upward, Turn Outward

Today was another amazing day. Guys. The Church has been restored and I am a member.

First, I just want to say I helped in the missionary effort. It's a big day for me! Well, yesterday. So, soon after my brother left on his mission, I sent him a copy of the Book of Mormon with my testimony in it. I just kind of figured it would go to someone, who'd put it on their shelf if they didn't throw it away, and one day they'd open it, read it, and the time would be right.

Well, my brother loves me too much for that, he made sure he followed the Spirit on who to give it to. I won't write her name, but she wrote a personal letter to me, thanking me for my testimony. To be honest, I can't even remember for sure what I wrote. I do remember trying to follow the Spirit and write from the heart. Anyway, it was amazing to read this letter, I started crying the second I realized what it was, and for those who know me, I'm not a cry-er (one who cries a lot). It was a very special moment for me to feel the love of my Savior, to know that I helped - even though it was a small portion of her conversion - to bring one soul to our Lord so she could feel of His healing and enabling power.

Amazing experience.

Today in my church meetings, I felt His love again, so strongly. He directs His children to help each other, to be ministering angels, and they don't fail Him. I'm personally working on being more service minded. I've got quite a tendency to focus only on myself.

Some thoughts I had were questions, and I felt impressed to share them here.

- How can I let go of whatever is holding me back from the Lord, even in a small way? i.e., my hurt/pain/temptation/addictions
- How can I study the Book of Mormon better?
- How can I turn more over to Him / how can I let Him lighten my load? This one was inspired by my backpacking trip last week. There came a point where I had to ask people to help bare my burdens because I couldn't do it alone. It is the same in my spiritual life.

So, I came up with personal answers to those questions, but mostly it involves a lot of prayer and a conscious effort to keep striving. A wonderful girl gave her testimony today and in it, she said that the Lord often gives us all we can handle, and then one more little thing to stretch us. I know this is true. I know that that one little thing helps us trust in Him, and recognize we cannot do it on our own, we never could, even that portion of "all we can handle" is dependent on Christ and His enabling grace.

Keep holding on to His hand and move forward. Keep listening and let your faith grow! There is always hope. There is always help, there is always something to work on, so keep striving. You will make it, you were put here to succeed gloriously!

Also, choose to let the little things stay little. Keep life in perspective and keep trusting in Him. You'll get there - with His help. There is hope and help ahead. Trust in Him.