Usually I feel like I have something to say... today, I feel like I ought to, but am drawing a blank...
Well, I love the recent discussions on becoming / conversion, as well as talking about the priesthood and our places in the "vast eternal plan" and I am loving my time in my parents' ward, seeing what a family ward looks like, their real lives, struggles and triumphs, and yet I still feel separate from it somehow.
I'm in an odd mood today, I'm afraid. Yesterday I had a scary drive through Parley's Canyon in the middle of a white-out / snow storm. It was rather scary, to say the least and I've been left in a pondering sort of mood, not like a 'near death / meaning of life' sort, just kind of a quiet... something. I'm not sure. That's the mood.
Well, as I move forward on my life's journey, I find myself on the path of conversion. I know I have a testimony and am in the process of being converted. This is good. There are areas in which I am weak and I am comforted that this is how it should be. My life's details have yet to be sorted, but the plan is in place and the details will sort themselves out as I continue to move forward in faith.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Feb. 17, 2013
Ah, it is Sunday again. So many random topics have been on my mind lately and I am going to try and make sense of them here. This will probably be an awful essay in which the point is only made at the very end.
1: Genie in a Bottle 2: Humility and Friendship of the Spirit 3: JFK and hard realities and 4: Crock-pot Thinker
First: At church today someone - my mom - commented that she's sure glad God doesn't grant our wishes like a genie in a bottle. I love that thought. Because, as much as I think I know what I want and what is right, asking a genie and getting it is probably the last thing that I need. We always hear stories of people who thought they knew, asked, and the result was a nightmare. God does answer our prayers. He does bless us and "grant" us the righteous desires of our hearts. It is so nice to have that safety net there so we can trust Him to truly help our eternal selves get where we need to go.
Second: This quote was at the beginning of our lesson today about the Holy Ghost: "Make up your minds to live humbly and in such a way that you will always have the Spirit of the Lord to be your friend." Oh, I love that quote. Right now, my life is set up in such a way that I am separated from people physically. I am 30-40 minutes away from my college friends, 25-30 minutes from my last ward, I sit far away from everyone at work, and at home I live in the basement corner where no one else is close by. Now, obviously, I'm not really alone. It's just a different world than crammed in an apartment with people right next to you. I know that I have friends, but this was a tender reminder from God that I can always have a friend with me, and feel of His support and divine love to be with me always.
Third: I started reading a book about JFK. It was a wake up call on two fronts: first - I don't really know that much about history, my country's, the world's, or even my own. Second - I do not like JFK and I am deeply disappointed in how he led his life, and hurt that someone who seemed all together, who had a wonderful life, would be so inconsiderate and egocentric, and that his wife put up with it best she could, is just so hard for me to comprehend. Life is hard. There is so much going on in people's lives it can be hard to comprehend it all. It can be disheartening, but I know God's hands are in our lives and we can find His support and peace whenever we turn to Him.
Finally: I am a very slow thinker. I feel like a crock pot - God (or others) are most successful in convincing me of things when they tell me a long time in advance. There are times where I can be put "on high" and come up with a decision relatively quickly but even then - it takes awhile. There is so much going on and I feel like every day there are new factors to consider and truths I cannot comprehend. Yet, I know God lives and loves me, and somehow His Atonement heals my pain. Once I've made a decision, I stick by it, firm and true, so I suppose it is just another evidence of God knowing what He is doing by forcing me to take my time and learn patience. :)
That's what I learned and thought about at church today.
1: Genie in a Bottle 2: Humility and Friendship of the Spirit 3: JFK and hard realities and 4: Crock-pot Thinker
First: At church today someone - my mom - commented that she's sure glad God doesn't grant our wishes like a genie in a bottle. I love that thought. Because, as much as I think I know what I want and what is right, asking a genie and getting it is probably the last thing that I need. We always hear stories of people who thought they knew, asked, and the result was a nightmare. God does answer our prayers. He does bless us and "grant" us the righteous desires of our hearts. It is so nice to have that safety net there so we can trust Him to truly help our eternal selves get where we need to go.
Second: This quote was at the beginning of our lesson today about the Holy Ghost: "Make up your minds to live humbly and in such a way that you will always have the Spirit of the Lord to be your friend." Oh, I love that quote. Right now, my life is set up in such a way that I am separated from people physically. I am 30-40 minutes away from my college friends, 25-30 minutes from my last ward, I sit far away from everyone at work, and at home I live in the basement corner where no one else is close by. Now, obviously, I'm not really alone. It's just a different world than crammed in an apartment with people right next to you. I know that I have friends, but this was a tender reminder from God that I can always have a friend with me, and feel of His support and divine love to be with me always.
Third: I started reading a book about JFK. It was a wake up call on two fronts: first - I don't really know that much about history, my country's, the world's, or even my own. Second - I do not like JFK and I am deeply disappointed in how he led his life, and hurt that someone who seemed all together, who had a wonderful life, would be so inconsiderate and egocentric, and that his wife put up with it best she could, is just so hard for me to comprehend. Life is hard. There is so much going on in people's lives it can be hard to comprehend it all. It can be disheartening, but I know God's hands are in our lives and we can find His support and peace whenever we turn to Him.
Finally: I am a very slow thinker. I feel like a crock pot - God (or others) are most successful in convincing me of things when they tell me a long time in advance. There are times where I can be put "on high" and come up with a decision relatively quickly but even then - it takes awhile. There is so much going on and I feel like every day there are new factors to consider and truths I cannot comprehend. Yet, I know God lives and loves me, and somehow His Atonement heals my pain. Once I've made a decision, I stick by it, firm and true, so I suppose it is just another evidence of God knowing what He is doing by forcing me to take my time and learn patience. :)
That's what I learned and thought about at church today.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Conversion to What?
We've been talking a lot about conversion at church lately. The discussions have all been around how we have to have a testimony first and then act on it, and over our lifetime, we'll become converted.
Well, today in Sacrament Meeting, one of the speakers talked on conversion, the other talked about the love of God. So naturally, I put them together. We are converted to love. I feel that that is the purpose anyway. We are converted to people who naturally put others first - who think of them and truly want and then do help each other.
In my life right now, I am a little separated from all of my friends - except my family. It has been interesting to watch what happened with my friendships. Because not only did they stop reaching out to me, I stopped reaching out to them. I've observed this before, as have many before me. What was new to me this time was the idea that their lives literally go on just fine without me. The way I realized this was that my dad prayed for my brother on a mission, that he would have a good day and work hard. I just hadn't thought about it that way.
It's kind of like the child development principle of object permanence. At a certain age they understand the principle that if you hide a toy under a blanked, for example, it is still there. Well - I guess I just struggle to comprehend how everyone has individual lives, going on all the time independent of each others.
God wants us to remember Him and each other. We need to be converted to trusting and loving Him and remembering and serving each other. There is a lot of help in place to get us there, we just have to trust in His system and keep moving forward, and we'll get there.
Well, today in Sacrament Meeting, one of the speakers talked on conversion, the other talked about the love of God. So naturally, I put them together. We are converted to love. I feel that that is the purpose anyway. We are converted to people who naturally put others first - who think of them and truly want and then do help each other.
In my life right now, I am a little separated from all of my friends - except my family. It has been interesting to watch what happened with my friendships. Because not only did they stop reaching out to me, I stopped reaching out to them. I've observed this before, as have many before me. What was new to me this time was the idea that their lives literally go on just fine without me. The way I realized this was that my dad prayed for my brother on a mission, that he would have a good day and work hard. I just hadn't thought about it that way.
It's kind of like the child development principle of object permanence. At a certain age they understand the principle that if you hide a toy under a blanked, for example, it is still there. Well - I guess I just struggle to comprehend how everyone has individual lives, going on all the time independent of each others.
God wants us to remember Him and each other. We need to be converted to trusting and loving Him and remembering and serving each other. There is a lot of help in place to get us there, we just have to trust in His system and keep moving forward, and we'll get there.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Gratitude
Today was Fast Sunday, and I'd been struggling the past couple days because I don't have a "big" controllable goal to work towards - i.e., graduation, raising a family, etc. And so I keep trying to do the 'right' things, and it can be discouraging because I don't feel like I'm going anywhere. So, I was fasting along those lines today - and for most of the meetings today, I was incredibly bitter. I was surprised at myself, but I kept thinking about grumpy things, how my situation wasn't horrible but I was still 'neglected' and 'hurting.'
Well, eventually I was rehearsing all the good that I keep doing - and one of those things is that I write in a gratitude journal each day. This habit started around Thanksgiving, after an amazing coaching/consulting session. I realized that where I was doing that I wasn't expressing it in my prayers. I wasn't focusing on being grateful, though I was finding little things to be grateful. So, today I am redetermined to be more grateful.
Also, listen to good music. Listen to songs that lift your soul and remind you to come back to Christ.
Well, eventually I was rehearsing all the good that I keep doing - and one of those things is that I write in a gratitude journal each day. This habit started around Thanksgiving, after an amazing coaching/consulting session. I realized that where I was doing that I wasn't expressing it in my prayers. I wasn't focusing on being grateful, though I was finding little things to be grateful. So, today I am redetermined to be more grateful.
Also, listen to good music. Listen to songs that lift your soul and remind you to come back to Christ.
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