It's Easter today! My friend told me that growing up his parents celebrated "Spring" with all the candy, eggs, and whatnot, on the Spring Equinox, and then had a separate celebration for Easter, each year so that the kids could separate the two. I think this is an intriguing idea. I'm not sure if I'll incorporate it in my family (depends on the future spouse I suppose), but really like it. Life gets messy sometimes and I have a hard time enduring and remembering. Often times, I am more likely to sit down and give up a little waiting for someone else to make the change. That's mostly off topic, but I liked doing something small to differentiate, and to make it easier to remember our Savior.
I've now lived at my parents house as long as I lived in my last apartment. It's a weird feeling. Mostly because I still have no idea how long I'll be here or where I want to go when I'm not here anymore.
We discussed missionary work, the gathering of Israel, the Atonement, and service to others today. I am still in a bit of a spiritual fog, but I know that I'll get better at trusting, remembering, and enduring as I turn to Christ, and reach outward to help those around me, all come unto Christ together.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Sunday, March 24, 2013
Missions and Conversion
Well, I don't have too long today - but one of the themes that I was listening today was that of missionary work.
I'd been thinking for the last couple of months that I may have convinced myself I wasn't to go because I was scared or proud - and today I felt a reassuring peace that it was good that I have not yet served a mission. I was reminded of what I can do here and its importance, of supporting my family, being a friend, and learning to become like Christ - are all things that I am learning here. And, it is where I am supposed to be.
We talked of conversion and what that really means - and how perfection really is a process. We can keep doing our part.
Lately I've also been touched by how important remembering really is - we are so good at forgetting what isn't right in front of us, and conversion really occurs when we come to the point that we are always praying, we are always loving, we are always bringing others to Christ, because that has become who we literally are. And, it will take a lifetime to truly get there. Good news, you have a lifetime to give. And, you'll get there - one day at a time. Do your best today. Repent, and do better the next day. You've got time. Be diligent and keep moving forward.
I'd been thinking for the last couple of months that I may have convinced myself I wasn't to go because I was scared or proud - and today I felt a reassuring peace that it was good that I have not yet served a mission. I was reminded of what I can do here and its importance, of supporting my family, being a friend, and learning to become like Christ - are all things that I am learning here. And, it is where I am supposed to be.
We talked of conversion and what that really means - and how perfection really is a process. We can keep doing our part.
Lately I've also been touched by how important remembering really is - we are so good at forgetting what isn't right in front of us, and conversion really occurs when we come to the point that we are always praying, we are always loving, we are always bringing others to Christ, because that has become who we literally are. And, it will take a lifetime to truly get there. Good news, you have a lifetime to give. And, you'll get there - one day at a time. Do your best today. Repent, and do better the next day. You've got time. Be diligent and keep moving forward.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Late ...again
Life...gets away from me sometimes. And as I am mostly just writing a journal, I suppose it is ok that I am a little late.
Well - this last week was Stake Conference. One of the main things I learned from the adult session was when I ask a question, I must truly want God's answer, and I must be able to then act in faith because of that answer.
Writing it down, it seems so elementary and cliche to have to discover. Yet, that's what I needed to learn. See, my mind and heart are not unified. And - if I can't even be unified with myself, I cannot receive an answer. And, I didn't realize up until this point just how serious the divide in my mind / heart was.
Sunday night I had a tender experience with God - I almost don't want to share it on here; but I will. See, I've been having this spiritual war inside me for over a year and I haven't felt like I've made much progress, it's been fairly cyclical. Yet because of stake conference, I felt the need to offer up my fears, sins, and non-unified desires up to God. What better result can you have from conference? They were specific items - and as I gave them up I felt quite like King Lamoni's father. I identify with him strongly. Like him, I want desperately to come to know God - to feel what I intellectually know about God, and to know what I truly feel when I receive revelation - but I have a lot of sins to give up. So, this time, I sincerely prayed for them to go away, that Christ could take them from me. I wonder{ed} how this works but had the sweet realization that the King of the Lamanites had less of an idea about how giving up his sins would change his life than I do - and it is possible. I can give up my fears, my pride, my selfish, lazy heart, and I can come more fully unto Christ.
And it starts one day at a time. My resolution and prayer is that I can continue to pray each day for help coming unto Christ, that I can stay true, that I can have my mind and my heart be more unified with God - at the same time, so the conflicted soul I am so used to can get a little break - and eventually not be part of me any more than a memory. It's quite the undertaking to help me become like Christ is, but He says He can, so I will continue on the path Christ has set me and trust in His infinite care.
(in other news - this is my 52nd post - pretending I posted only one per week it would be a year of me doing this - however, it looks like my first post was April 8th - so I must have double posted or something... still cool :) )
Well - this last week was Stake Conference. One of the main things I learned from the adult session was when I ask a question, I must truly want God's answer, and I must be able to then act in faith because of that answer.
Writing it down, it seems so elementary and cliche to have to discover. Yet, that's what I needed to learn. See, my mind and heart are not unified. And - if I can't even be unified with myself, I cannot receive an answer. And, I didn't realize up until this point just how serious the divide in my mind / heart was.
Sunday night I had a tender experience with God - I almost don't want to share it on here; but I will. See, I've been having this spiritual war inside me for over a year and I haven't felt like I've made much progress, it's been fairly cyclical. Yet because of stake conference, I felt the need to offer up my fears, sins, and non-unified desires up to God. What better result can you have from conference? They were specific items - and as I gave them up I felt quite like King Lamoni's father. I identify with him strongly. Like him, I want desperately to come to know God - to feel what I intellectually know about God, and to know what I truly feel when I receive revelation - but I have a lot of sins to give up. So, this time, I sincerely prayed for them to go away, that Christ could take them from me. I wonder{ed} how this works but had the sweet realization that the King of the Lamanites had less of an idea about how giving up his sins would change his life than I do - and it is possible. I can give up my fears, my pride, my selfish, lazy heart, and I can come more fully unto Christ.
And it starts one day at a time. My resolution and prayer is that I can continue to pray each day for help coming unto Christ, that I can stay true, that I can have my mind and my heart be more unified with God - at the same time, so the conflicted soul I am so used to can get a little break - and eventually not be part of me any more than a memory. It's quite the undertaking to help me become like Christ is, but He says He can, so I will continue on the path Christ has set me and trust in His infinite care.
(in other news - this is my 52nd post - pretending I posted only one per week it would be a year of me doing this - however, it looks like my first post was April 8th - so I must have double posted or something... still cool :) )
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Sick Day
So, today I stayed home from church sick. When I got up, I listened to Mormon Messages to somehow make up for missing church - my sister giving a talk and my mom teaching the Relief Society lesson - and still find the relief of the gospel that my heart is searching for.
Take a look over these videos whenever you need a spiritual feast. http://www.youtube.com/watch?
We can do all things through Christ - even hope, even find peace, and even find joy. Watching some of these videos brought tears to my eyes, the words profoundly what I was needing after a long, tiring weekend - and struggles with faith.
I can make a difference too - I'm not sure where my path is leading specifically, but I have great hope and belief that there is joy for me yet in this life and I can hope for the eternal future. I am so grateful for these videos. I should watch more than I do. They really help bring my stubborn heart back to Christ. I know they don't make up for missing the Sacrament, or my family's testimonies. However, I can still find joy and peace from the comfort of my bed while I wait out this brief sickness.
I haven't missed church in quite a long time due to illness and it is quite weird. My mom had to basically command me to stay at home today - she didn't but she directed me to make my own decision about what would be best.
Sometimes, I need to give up what I feel my roles are - what my responsibilities are, and just trust that taking a break, giving up my desires, will get me where I truly want to be.
He knows what and where I truly want to be and loves me enough to help me get there, especially when I don't realize it myself. I can be at peace today and I am happy, I am loving my life and my struggles (especially from a distance and refuge of my home). Things will work out and I can be happy.
Take a look over these videos whenever you need a spiritual feast. http://www.youtube.com/watch?
We can do all things through Christ - even hope, even find peace, and even find joy. Watching some of these videos brought tears to my eyes, the words profoundly what I was needing after a long, tiring weekend - and struggles with faith.
I can make a difference too - I'm not sure where my path is leading specifically, but I have great hope and belief that there is joy for me yet in this life and I can hope for the eternal future. I am so grateful for these videos. I should watch more than I do. They really help bring my stubborn heart back to Christ. I know they don't make up for missing the Sacrament, or my family's testimonies. However, I can still find joy and peace from the comfort of my bed while I wait out this brief sickness.
I haven't missed church in quite a long time due to illness and it is quite weird. My mom had to basically command me to stay at home today - she didn't but she directed me to make my own decision about what would be best.
Sometimes, I need to give up what I feel my roles are - what my responsibilities are, and just trust that taking a break, giving up my desires, will get me where I truly want to be.
He knows what and where I truly want to be and loves me enough to help me get there, especially when I don't realize it myself. I can be at peace today and I am happy, I am loving my life and my struggles (especially from a distance and refuge of my home). Things will work out and I can be happy.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
March 3, 2013
I hate trying to come up with post titles for this blog - well, all blogs and emails - it's hard to figure out what it's all about. So, at least for this blog I use the date most often.
Not relevant.
Ok. Well, today was Fast Sunday - a day that I struggle with especially lately because my stomach's been uncooperative anyway. And, so it was Testimony Meeting today in Sacrament Meeting.
I wanted to bear my testimony and experiences here where I can organize and edit them.
I started today with a heavy heart. I haven't been feeling well, physically or emotionally for about a month, but for the past week or so I've been especially not feeling well. I've been beset by all sorts of different kinds of worry, and stress, and fear. And I was having a dreadfully hard time seeing through it, remembering all the things that would help me be at peace, and hearing the Spirit's healing voice.
Well, by the end of the church meetings today, I felt my burden be lifted, I felt at peace, and happy, even though nothing had changed. I still don't have answers, but I am doing better at letting them go. I have learned that for me, I will just have to keep letting things go, because I can remember to worry really easily, and holding on to the fear is quite simple for me to do. I am quite good at it. And so now, I need to learn to trust.
I know I have the best teacher, even the Son of God, the Savior of the World, who is guiding my life, and my heart, changing me for the better, so every part of me can come unto Him, and so I can help bring others to Him as well.
Not relevant.
Ok. Well, today was Fast Sunday - a day that I struggle with especially lately because my stomach's been uncooperative anyway. And, so it was Testimony Meeting today in Sacrament Meeting.
I wanted to bear my testimony and experiences here where I can organize and edit them.
I started today with a heavy heart. I haven't been feeling well, physically or emotionally for about a month, but for the past week or so I've been especially not feeling well. I've been beset by all sorts of different kinds of worry, and stress, and fear. And I was having a dreadfully hard time seeing through it, remembering all the things that would help me be at peace, and hearing the Spirit's healing voice.
Well, by the end of the church meetings today, I felt my burden be lifted, I felt at peace, and happy, even though nothing had changed. I still don't have answers, but I am doing better at letting them go. I have learned that for me, I will just have to keep letting things go, because I can remember to worry really easily, and holding on to the fear is quite simple for me to do. I am quite good at it. And so now, I need to learn to trust.
I know I have the best teacher, even the Son of God, the Savior of the World, who is guiding my life, and my heart, changing me for the better, so every part of me can come unto Him, and so I can help bring others to Him as well.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
Ah, Today.
Usually I feel like I have something to say... today, I feel like I ought to, but am drawing a blank...
Well, I love the recent discussions on becoming / conversion, as well as talking about the priesthood and our places in the "vast eternal plan" and I am loving my time in my parents' ward, seeing what a family ward looks like, their real lives, struggles and triumphs, and yet I still feel separate from it somehow.
I'm in an odd mood today, I'm afraid. Yesterday I had a scary drive through Parley's Canyon in the middle of a white-out / snow storm. It was rather scary, to say the least and I've been left in a pondering sort of mood, not like a 'near death / meaning of life' sort, just kind of a quiet... something. I'm not sure. That's the mood.
Well, as I move forward on my life's journey, I find myself on the path of conversion. I know I have a testimony and am in the process of being converted. This is good. There are areas in which I am weak and I am comforted that this is how it should be. My life's details have yet to be sorted, but the plan is in place and the details will sort themselves out as I continue to move forward in faith.
Well, I love the recent discussions on becoming / conversion, as well as talking about the priesthood and our places in the "vast eternal plan" and I am loving my time in my parents' ward, seeing what a family ward looks like, their real lives, struggles and triumphs, and yet I still feel separate from it somehow.
I'm in an odd mood today, I'm afraid. Yesterday I had a scary drive through Parley's Canyon in the middle of a white-out / snow storm. It was rather scary, to say the least and I've been left in a pondering sort of mood, not like a 'near death / meaning of life' sort, just kind of a quiet... something. I'm not sure. That's the mood.
Well, as I move forward on my life's journey, I find myself on the path of conversion. I know I have a testimony and am in the process of being converted. This is good. There are areas in which I am weak and I am comforted that this is how it should be. My life's details have yet to be sorted, but the plan is in place and the details will sort themselves out as I continue to move forward in faith.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Feb. 17, 2013
Ah, it is Sunday again. So many random topics have been on my mind lately and I am going to try and make sense of them here. This will probably be an awful essay in which the point is only made at the very end.
1: Genie in a Bottle 2: Humility and Friendship of the Spirit 3: JFK and hard realities and 4: Crock-pot Thinker
First: At church today someone - my mom - commented that she's sure glad God doesn't grant our wishes like a genie in a bottle. I love that thought. Because, as much as I think I know what I want and what is right, asking a genie and getting it is probably the last thing that I need. We always hear stories of people who thought they knew, asked, and the result was a nightmare. God does answer our prayers. He does bless us and "grant" us the righteous desires of our hearts. It is so nice to have that safety net there so we can trust Him to truly help our eternal selves get where we need to go.
Second: This quote was at the beginning of our lesson today about the Holy Ghost: "Make up your minds to live humbly and in such a way that you will always have the Spirit of the Lord to be your friend." Oh, I love that quote. Right now, my life is set up in such a way that I am separated from people physically. I am 30-40 minutes away from my college friends, 25-30 minutes from my last ward, I sit far away from everyone at work, and at home I live in the basement corner where no one else is close by. Now, obviously, I'm not really alone. It's just a different world than crammed in an apartment with people right next to you. I know that I have friends, but this was a tender reminder from God that I can always have a friend with me, and feel of His support and divine love to be with me always.
Third: I started reading a book about JFK. It was a wake up call on two fronts: first - I don't really know that much about history, my country's, the world's, or even my own. Second - I do not like JFK and I am deeply disappointed in how he led his life, and hurt that someone who seemed all together, who had a wonderful life, would be so inconsiderate and egocentric, and that his wife put up with it best she could, is just so hard for me to comprehend. Life is hard. There is so much going on in people's lives it can be hard to comprehend it all. It can be disheartening, but I know God's hands are in our lives and we can find His support and peace whenever we turn to Him.
Finally: I am a very slow thinker. I feel like a crock pot - God (or others) are most successful in convincing me of things when they tell me a long time in advance. There are times where I can be put "on high" and come up with a decision relatively quickly but even then - it takes awhile. There is so much going on and I feel like every day there are new factors to consider and truths I cannot comprehend. Yet, I know God lives and loves me, and somehow His Atonement heals my pain. Once I've made a decision, I stick by it, firm and true, so I suppose it is just another evidence of God knowing what He is doing by forcing me to take my time and learn patience. :)
That's what I learned and thought about at church today.
1: Genie in a Bottle 2: Humility and Friendship of the Spirit 3: JFK and hard realities and 4: Crock-pot Thinker
First: At church today someone - my mom - commented that she's sure glad God doesn't grant our wishes like a genie in a bottle. I love that thought. Because, as much as I think I know what I want and what is right, asking a genie and getting it is probably the last thing that I need. We always hear stories of people who thought they knew, asked, and the result was a nightmare. God does answer our prayers. He does bless us and "grant" us the righteous desires of our hearts. It is so nice to have that safety net there so we can trust Him to truly help our eternal selves get where we need to go.
Second: This quote was at the beginning of our lesson today about the Holy Ghost: "Make up your minds to live humbly and in such a way that you will always have the Spirit of the Lord to be your friend." Oh, I love that quote. Right now, my life is set up in such a way that I am separated from people physically. I am 30-40 minutes away from my college friends, 25-30 minutes from my last ward, I sit far away from everyone at work, and at home I live in the basement corner where no one else is close by. Now, obviously, I'm not really alone. It's just a different world than crammed in an apartment with people right next to you. I know that I have friends, but this was a tender reminder from God that I can always have a friend with me, and feel of His support and divine love to be with me always.
Third: I started reading a book about JFK. It was a wake up call on two fronts: first - I don't really know that much about history, my country's, the world's, or even my own. Second - I do not like JFK and I am deeply disappointed in how he led his life, and hurt that someone who seemed all together, who had a wonderful life, would be so inconsiderate and egocentric, and that his wife put up with it best she could, is just so hard for me to comprehend. Life is hard. There is so much going on in people's lives it can be hard to comprehend it all. It can be disheartening, but I know God's hands are in our lives and we can find His support and peace whenever we turn to Him.
Finally: I am a very slow thinker. I feel like a crock pot - God (or others) are most successful in convincing me of things when they tell me a long time in advance. There are times where I can be put "on high" and come up with a decision relatively quickly but even then - it takes awhile. There is so much going on and I feel like every day there are new factors to consider and truths I cannot comprehend. Yet, I know God lives and loves me, and somehow His Atonement heals my pain. Once I've made a decision, I stick by it, firm and true, so I suppose it is just another evidence of God knowing what He is doing by forcing me to take my time and learn patience. :)
That's what I learned and thought about at church today.
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