Email to T

I'm being completely lazy today, but, I don't care. Here is my email that I sent to Elder T., which gives a pretty good update and highlights what I learned At Church Today because it culminates everything I've been  thinking about lately, in a succinct way, which is something I definitely struggle with... :)

One thing I wanted to be sure to tell you was: Let it be ok. As you may know, I am a perfectionist, and get stressed because of it. I also love to know everything and feel like I need to be in control.

Well, lately, I've decided to let my best effort be ok. Let my lack of knowledge be ok and not prevent me from having faith, I can let it be ok that God is in charge and not me. It is a tricky balance because it would be easy to be lazy, but I can keep working and striving to come unto my Savior. If I focus on what I can do, and leave the rest to Him, it will work out.

Secondly, I am friends with myself now. I recently discovered this is something I can be learning while I am living here. I am not very happy here to be honest, with my roommates, and I don't have a buddy friend like I'm accustomed to, but I am learning to do things with myself, to let it be ok that I'm my best friend right now, I'm finding I'm pretty cool... :) I don't know if that makes sense, but I've never really had to think if I was friends with myself, like if I actually liked who I was. That may be foreign to you, and you may think I'm crazy, but it's been nice to have a friend - even if that friend is me - I always understand my perspective and I can be patient with myself.

Ok. That's about it. As for what I've been up to - I got to go up to the RS conference yesterday, that was good, I really enjoyed it. I mostly took away that I am out of one of my life storms, so while I am not being pounded upon, I can strengthen those around me. More storms will come, for sure, but I am secure enough where I'm at to strengthen my sisters/brothers, etc. 


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I also wanted to say that I know my Redeemer lives and that Jesus is the Christ. I know that when I remember that everything else falls into place and I can be at peace. And I will continue to do the small things, praying as often as possible and studying the scriptures, and making a conscious effort to be more like my Savior, that I will improve.

Keep striving.

Remember your covenants and keep them

There will be times where you will feel foolish, where you will get distracted from truth and righteousness. Repent quickly. Come back to Christ.

You don't need to give heed to temptation. Prepare, know your weaknesses, build your foundation in Christ,  and move forward.

Also, just because it hasn't happened yet, I can remember the joy and promises, recognizing Him in my life even though it isn't the Big Important things right now - whatever those are for me today, tomorrow, or ever.

Trust in the third member of the Godhead, and what He has revealed to you. We are not alone and we can keep going in faith, building our foundation on truth.

Remember: Brigham City Temple Dedication

As it happens, I am a little grumpy today. And, what's worse is that there is no good reason for it. I am not tired nor rather hungry. I have spent the day first at a wonderful temple dedication, then I took a lovely nap, and have been reading since then. On all accounts I ought to be in a pleasant mood. And, now that I'm realizing all this I think I shall start changing my attitude.

Brigham City Temple Dedication - this was a special ceremony of praise, helping me remember the Savior and His role in our lives. I have rededicated my heart to going to the temple with increased regularity. I believe that this will help me create and maintain increased faith, hope, and charity. And, oh how I need more of all three.

Since I moved to Orem, I have only gone to the temple once. Granted, I've only been here for a month, but I used to go weekly. It is interesting for me to note how quickly my testimony has faltered. See, I don't think it would if I had moved somewhere without easy access to a temple, but as it is, I just got distracted and so, my testimony wavered. Through the dedication, I was able to remember my priorities and unify my heart a little closer to God. Elder Perry mentioned a fire that destroyed the Brigham City Tabernacle and how we will all have fires testing our faith. It is been like that for me for a few months now and I need to start rebuilding from the ashes. I do love that idea.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my blog "Invitation to Remember" and how I never served a full time, LDS mission. Sister Packer mentioned how sometimes our words are unpolished, and yet our hearts sincere. This daily living, of following the Spirit can work miracles if we will continue to endure. Someone recently told me that my style of writing was "interesting..." (the ... was just a pause in their voice) and that they didn't think some parts were good/right/whatever, and it hurt me because it came from a friend. I almost went down the path that would have led me to stop writing. See, I just wrote a post that talked about my challenge feeling beautiful and worth something, because I had learned about person who struggled as I had done, and I wrote what I thought could help, and my friend knew that. In fact, it was this friend who told me of the person struggling. So, I was vulnerable.

It was at this dedication where I felt peace, where I felt that I am part of a divine work and that as I look upward and turn outward, looking to God and serving those around me, I will be a force for good. Even if my words are unpolished. I need to let my heart be at peace, and go forward in faith, as there is quite some distance yet to go. I can and will continue on.

I know that the Lord accepted the Brigham City Temple as one of His holy houses, to help further the work. I know that I have a part to play. And I know that I can be at peace today, tomorrow, and for eternity as I remember Him.

Regional and Stake Conference

I took SO many notes yesterday and today. I won't regale them all for you, because seriously, there are a lot. I learned and remembered several things which helped me open my heart to the Spirit and have strength to stop looking down and remember to look up and to be grateful. That is probably the biggest lesson I learned/remembered. We are not alone.

Sometimes, I can be so hard hearted. So blind to truth and to the enabling power of the Savior, if I would just remember to look up. And often, I selfishly conclude that my prayers must not be getting through or that even worse, He doesn't care about me. 

Luckily, I got a sound, caring, chastening yesterday and today. And, I got help softening my heart so I could hear and be edified again, strengthening my resolve to move forward however I can. We have so much to do, so much to focus on, and so I can just look around and take comfort from my Savior.

One thing that has come to my mind a few times this week has been the idea that we are built on His rock. Over the past few months, I imagined myself kind of on the side of a giant cliff (it's made of rock), clinging to it, begging to be taken care of and supported, as the sea surges and storms around me. 

It has only been lately that I have thought that maybe, just maybe, just maybe, I am not on the cliff's side. I am firmly grounded far from the edge, carefully watched over as I worry and fret, with my Savior pleading with me to open my eyes and trust in Him. So, I am letting you know that I'm opening my eyes - as fast as I metaphorically can, but for it to be in my character will take time and that's ok. I am working on building my trust in Him, even if I shut my eyes periodically and cling to the rock. One day I'll look back at how silly I must look clinging to the rock, but well, it will have to be ok at present as I am working on it but not perfect yet. :)

The reminder and commandment to trust Him is what hit home with me at this conference. Everything is alright, and He is the Master and Commander. I can be faithful and I can live on this rock. I can open my eyes, and my heart, to trust in Him and reach out to others. I am secure where I stand and I can help, I need to help. It is by letting my Savior be my Savior, and following in His way, that I find peace and strength, to live in happiness as He would have be do. He loves me infinitely more than I can imagine and I can remember that I am not forgotten, insignificant, or alone. I also have a great responsibility to help those around me and lift where I stand.

Aloe Vera

2 things stick out about today and I'm not sure how to write them in a way that would make sense...

So, this post may ramble more than most...

One is that sometimes the best way for things to heal is counter-intuitive, and we must be brave enough to go the way that hurts in the short term to be happy for eternity. The second is that we must truly live what we believe. It shows, and though final judgments may not take place yet, they are coming.

1. I got sunburned yesterday, on the insides of my elbows, you know, the part of your arms that is whiter because it never sees the sun? It was rather painful. Yesterday I couldn't even find my aloe vera so I just had to hold still and hope I didn't move too much. Then, at church, my friend said I needed to wash the burn with as hot of water as I could stand, and scrub the burn. This, apparently helps sunburns heal. I wasn't going to try it, but he phrased it in such a way that reminded me of a lesson in faith.

See, the devil often draws us in by easier ways, by immediate gratification. And, when he said this, I felt that it had deeper implications. Sometimes, we don't try the one way that will help us heal. Aloe Vera helps healing, sure. But mostly, it just soothes us while we hurt, and it hurts to put it on. My friend's method directed me to solve the problem instead of just mask the pain. I know that isn't necessarily the best metaphor or parallel, but I want you to know that within a couple hours after washing my arms, the burn has visibly started healing. It still hurts, sadly, but it is going away.

Second: Elder Holland spoke today. It was fabulous. I wanted to get a hug from him, but got so much comfort from his words, it was like getting a desperately needed hug (and I've been needing a good hug lately). Yes, he chastised us because of our lack of faith, of judging, of checking our religion at the door. Babylon is great, and it has a great hold of our hearts. The thing is, I felt comforted. I've been feeling helpless lately, seeing so much pain and suffering around me, because of ignorance, and I haven't known what to do.

One of my roommates has suspicious behavior about a couple things, but the thing that stuck out today was this: My ward is rather spread out, so they have this thing called "Ward Round-up" to see who has moved in and didn't know where to go. Well, they stopped by today and talked to my roommate. She told them that she goes up to her parents' ward in Draper. However, to my knowledge, she never has. NOW, that is to my knowledge. I know she didn't go today and she doesn't appear to have a car, so anyway. Either way, I got to thinking that she (or others like her) has made her choice and I won't pressure her to come back or confront her about what I think is right for her. I will make sure she knows about activities and all, but I am not going to shove it down her throat. I also thought how fair and just our Father in Heaven is. He wants all to come back, (maybe I will have a role, even just a reminder, in her life, to come back to Him) Yet, He won't force anyone and His judgments are perfectly just as He will wait for us to truly become who we choose, and He will award us our choices because of our agency.

We must be strong, in whatever we choose. We must choose sometimes to forsake the easy path and try something that hurts. Things in my life still seem very impossible. Yet, I know that I can be happy where I am at and I can trust in His promises, they are still there for me, and I know that my Savior lives and loves me, and so I can move forward. I can have faith and I can trust in that and wait for good things to come, and find joy in my daily life now too. Some days I need more reminders than others, but that is ok too. That's what I learned at church (and the rest of the day) today.

Questions

So, with this new ward, I've been trying to be more social. I go to every activity and have decided not to wait for people to reach out to me, but instead will reach out to others. In the past, it's been the resident members' job to reach out or else I'd just stay in my bubble. But, this time, I decided to open up a little and look for friends and people to help.

I was worried for today's meeting, a special Fast and Testimony meeting, because I live in a very small ward even though it has big boundaries, and people are more reserved about participating. I shouldn't have been worried. There wasn't any downtime in between any of the testimonies. I may have been asked to give the prayer a lot today and there weren't many members of the choir, but, it was a good day.

By this point, you may be asking why I titled this "Questions" and I shall now tell you. As is my habit, in an effort to be accountable for what I've felt in my meetings, I take notes. My notes were full of questions today, about me, my progress, and what my goals were. Reading them again, there aren't as many questions as I thought, but the main takeaway for me was to keep looking at how I'm doing, good and bad, knowing truth about who I am and what I believe.

I shall just write my notes I think and let you interpret them. Good luck...

What is in your heart?
Listen to the Spirit, find Truth through diligent study and action
Open your heart a little more to Him. Ask Him for more help and trust that it will be taken care of as you do what you can, even if it doesn't seem related to the end goal.
Look upward, turn outward, and keep moving forward
Follow the Spirit, Hold on in faith, you have strength enough through Christ
Find strength through your family.
Trust enough to follow Him as He leads you (yes, I thought of ballroom dancing here, and life can definitely feel that way, that I'm going backwards, though sometimes I am directed into "promenade" or other positions and can literally see where I'm going... I'll have to write a post about that soon... I like the imagery...)
Be a little more humble.
Accept light and truth in whatever form it comes. If it is good, even if it is not perfect, even if it doesn't seem 'worthy' as long as it is good, and the motives are right.
Choose to see the good in the world.
You, too, can be forgiven. Be at peace. You have strength sufficient.
Find joy in learning and in growth, even if it is hard
Reread your Patriarchal Blessing, see how God shows His love for you, how He is showing you part of your potential and that you are so loved. Look at how bright your future is. Keep going in faith.
What value and meaning does it have to you that the Book of Mormon and other scriptures are REAL? That they actually happened, the people at that time lived and died, loved and hated?
How can we gain strength by getting to know them?
How has the gospel changed your life?
You really are being guided back to him. Trust in where Christ leads you.