Jump

Early this morning, I woke up from a dream, and felt strongly impressed to write a very personal blog post. So, I did. And the whole time, I felt such peace and hope, even though I have no idea how this will end. I may have messed everything up, but I still feel that peace and hope.

I also decided at church today to jump into genealogy  but not to find names, but to learn history. I am currently of the opinion most names of mine are already found, so I will start learning what I can.

My grandma has been put into hospice, which means that they're just making her comfortable until she is no longer on this earth. It's weird to realize this, and I have naively denied my parents the right to die, at least until I am ready for it. :)

And, on this blog, I'm also going to be writing a little more stories about my life and not just my thoughts.

Christmas Bells are Ringing

You know it's the end of the year when... the cute Primary kids sing, the choir goes up, and you hear wonderful talks about our Savior.

I've been living at my parents', trying to sort out a messy apartment situation, and have been loving the care I have found here. I am still paying for my old place, and my gas bill has gone significantly up, and it gets overwhelming at times.

I was sitting in church today, when I realized I was starting to have a panic moment again - life, the future, how literally stuck I am, and it hit me, that living at home, I can ignore it easier. The problems haven't gone away, but, I've found the support I need to think about other things. So, I realized this, but once I start freaking out, I kinda want to finish... so, I thought about that, and then decided that I'd just keep ignoring it, and go back to focusing on the wonderful lesson we were given about the Savior and how we can make sure He is in our daily lives.

I have another blog, called "Invitation to Remember" for just that purpose. I'm coming up/past my year mark, I can't really remember, ironically. I haven't become a sensation, people aren't passing my thoughts around, and I am no where near famous. But, I have come so much closer to knowing my Savior.

I want to keep coming closer to Him. I want to know Him, to trust Him completely, to ignore all the endless possibilities for sadness and misery and remember that He has promised me peace and eternal joy.

I am right where I need to be. I don't know how everything is going to sort out, but I am at peace. I just pray that I get to enjoy it for a little bit before my bubble bursts again with a new storm of troubles. I'm just learning how to deal with the ones I've got (so yes, queue the next wave...), and it is through relying on my family, by finding deliberate ways to keep getting better, to trust a little more, and to remember Him a little more often.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Reality - Good and Evil

I just finished reading the book of Ether, and we talked about it in church today too. It struck me this time the importance and reality that there is evil. This week we also read about the tragedies in Connecticut and also in China, with the children being killed. Evil surrounds us. I can't tell you how much I treasured reading chapter 12 of Ether. It is Moroni's section, discussing faith, hope, and charity. If it weren't for that chapter, I don't know how well I could have read the rest of the book - it was the light in the darkness of that book.

God keeps His promises - on both ends. The way is clear. It is hard to keep going sometimes, but it is so important to have faith, it leads to hope, which enables charity, giving us strength for more faith. We can move forward, we can be at peace, we can have joy, even in the middle of the great evils that surround us. They are real. The consequences for them are just as real as the blessings are that have been promised to us. Let's keep going :)

Ether 6

I love Ether 6. I love that it is the furious winds which direct people where they needed to go, and I love that they had to wait 344ish days in basically the dark, confined space, not knowing what was next. That's where I am in my life right now too, but it may be longer than 344ish days. We'll see. But, I know that I can keep going in faith, because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He made it all possible for me to live and to learn, and to become an agent to myself, to act, to grow, to learn to be more like God.

Merry Christmas - Bitterness Be Gone

Today was a Fast Sunday - where we devote special energy to help us feel the Spirit.

Well, today I fasted in an attempt to purge my heart a little more of bitterness. I've had a hard year, and had to rededicate myself to the principles taught by Christ, and to love the Lord a little more, in order to let go of the hurt I've accumulated this past year. Lately, I've just been a little worn out, and so bitterness found its way into my heart more than I would have liked.

Luckily, Christ hasn't given up on me yet, and has helped me learn more about letting go by turning to Him and asking for His help once more, and to keep working hard to come unto Him.

Do all you can, and be patient. If you really are doing all you can, you can let your heart be at peace, things will work out, even though the hurt is real, it is not permanent, and God keeps His promises.