Gratitude

Gratitude isn’t something I’m ‘good’ at. I am a ‘realist’ and so often forget to look for the blessings in life. I tend to see all good things that happen as a reward of my effort and all the bad things as ‘________ is against me’ (whoever/whatever is at ‘fault’ besides me). I’ve only begun to really notice as I’ve felt the bitterness entrench itself a little deeper in my heart.

In my patriarchal blessing it talks about how I’m a ‘happy’ person, and lately I’ve been almost mocking that, and then a sweet coworker left a note at my desk saying she was grateful I was so sweet and happy to her. I couldn’t understand it, when had I been happy, cheerful, or sweet at work? Didn’t work make me tired and feel lonely for sitting by myself all day?

That got me to look back over the week, and I realized how happy I was at work – the people there are not just ‘coworkers’ they are my friends and I am actually happy when I am with them.

Since early November, I’ve had a little gratitude journal where I write a few things every day, of what I am grateful for that day. When I was asked to start one it came with all sorts of stats about how it would make my life so much happier – and all I could see was how my life has spun downward, this ‘gratitude thing’ wasn’t working.

I’m not there yet – but at church today I received a key clarifier – in the hymn, “How Great Thou Art” it has a line that says something about our Savior was glad to hang on the cross and suffering for us. At first, my immediate reaction was sarcastic – “oh I bet He was just SO HAPPY to be suffering” and then I realized that you don’t have to have a life free from pain to be happy and grateful to be where you are.

Later in Relief Society, we were given a beautiful lesson where my heart opened up. And at the end, our instructor gave us a little notebook that says “I am awesome – Reasons I like being me” and it may sound super cheesy – but this is going to be a challenge for me, it’s a whole notebook. But I did come up with one to start out, and maybe I’ll just find one a day, but hey, I’ve got a whole life.

Gratitude is a process and it is something I desperately need to develop, but I’m on my way. The Atonement is infinitely powerful and can help my heart heal from my selfish pride and egocentric views. I’ve started taking my acknowledgement of blessings past the gratitude journal reflection time I have at the end of the day, and I’ve finally begun the path to becoming a grateful person – to feel it in my heart and not just mentally acknowledge that I ‘should’ be grateful. I know that when I look to my Savior in true gratitude and recognition for the blessings in my life, I will be happy. Even if it means being glad I can suffer this pain to learn a new lesson to help me get to know Him better.

Reason I like being me #1: My Savior loves and helps me and that definitely counts for something big. And I am grateful for His gentle hand as He shows me just how far I need to go and also my next step to get there. With His help, I’ll master this thing called gratitude and remember Him always.