Edinburgh

Despite my efforts, I did not make it to church today. Which makes me really sad.

Yesterday, I hiked a lot and was very tired when I came home. So, I hurried and looked up directions on getting to the church, when Sacrament started, etc. And then I went to sleep.

I woke up before my alarm, and comfortably waited for it to go off - peacefully waking up.

Then, I got ready and reviewed the directions. I even wrote them all down on the sheet and made sure I had my bus fare ready to go.

After a while of walking (the stop was a ways away), I remembered that I probably ought to hurry a bit more than I was... So I picked up my pace. After a few confusing intersections, I found my bus stop.

Ten minutes later, I finally decided to see when the bus was supposed to come next. Then I saw it. My bus had come and went - less than a minute before I got to the stop. And it wouldn't come again for an hour. I thought leaving an hour and a half early would be enough time to get to church. Wrong.

Their meetings start with RS and Priesthood, ending with Sacrament, which is what I had planned on attending, so having the bus not come for an hour meant that I missed church entirely.

I found myself crying a bit. After my peaceful wake up, I struggled with going to church... I was comfortable, and I was only going to Sacrament anyway, was it worth the 3 GBP? As I thought about it, I began to remember how important it was for me to attend church, how it shapes my week and prepares me for the struggles ahead. So to be able to be there was painful for me.

I dedicated the rest of the day to watching the church's Bible Videos and CES Devotionals, I listened to hymns, and I prayed. I still am sad that I did not make it to church and I can feel the loss of not renewing my covenants - It has helped me wake up a bit in my faith and though I won't be at my fullest this week, I pray that the Spirit may still be with me, as I have felt it much more clearly throughout my adventures here in Europe. I am so grateful for repentance and the Atonement which enables me to press forward and become clean again.

London

I've made it to London - read on my other blog...

Here are my notes from Elder Bednar's and Elder Ballard's talks from the European Women's Meeting - that I am listening to as I write this. I live in Europe now... which is pretty sweet. It also means I get an extra two-hour meeting to watch the broadcast again.

False opposites and polar extremes surround us. How do I open my heart and truly listen, being united in faith - regardless of circumstance? I am not left out and ought to pay attention always, even if they don't spell out my situation exactly. Stay steady and strong, on the Lord's side. You are doing a great job. Simply be steady and good to those around you and the faith you hold.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ - cleanses us from sin - and it strengthens us to do good and become better. Do I pray like an object or an agent? Do I pray to be able to act for myself, through the Atonement of Jesus Christ? We are to act, not to be acted upon. "Make this go away" or "just give this to me" - or "Grant me strength" - we cannot do it on our own, but we can pray to be enabled to do something. That is such a crucial difference. How do I pray? Can I pray more like an agent?

Sometimes, all we want to do is to be obedient - and if we can pray to feel of God's love for us, we can find a way in faith. They are so loving and so strong, and we can find strength to keep going. Just come unto Christ. It does apply to you and you need it. It will come as we patiently wait upon the Lord and pray in faith.

Simple steadiness in obedience, will chase the darkness out of lives and countries, the light of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I am loving listening to Elder Bednar testify of the leaders he works with. They know what is true and what we need. Be of good cheer. "I know Captain Moroni, I work with 14 of them every day. They are warriors."

Listen to their wise, simple counsel. Look to those who hold the keys of the priesthood. Work on being better in private than you are in public. Don't put on a show, be a genuine follower of Christ. Study and come to know Him - read of the Atonement in the Book of Mormon. Read it and look for the blessings that come from the Atonement. Come to find Him there. And you will find the strength to face what you need to face. Be strong and of good courage.

Why are we meeting? "We want to extend to you the personal love of the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles." - as you study, think how "Christ loved and loves the women of the church." (especially in the New Testament). The first declaration that He was and is the Savior of the world was at Jacob's well, to a woman. We are so loved - Eve is the mother of all living. She took responsibility to fulfill a commandment. We are so loved. Let your heart feel that love, to feel the strength that comes from God. Mortality must come by experiencing the bad and the good. It is better to pass through sorrow that we may know the good. Experience is so crucial. The last few days have been so jam-packed with experience. It truly is the best teacher. Let yourself experience it, hold fast to the rod that comes from God, follow His prophets and open your heart to feel and recognize the Spirit.

Let your heart love those around you, those who came before you, and those who will follow after you. Do not limit your love to only those you have met. Pray for this help to love them more fully. Love is the essence of the gospel and the world could use more of it. Be a source of love here in London. Whatever challenge or circumstance - wherever you live or whatever you are doing - come to know Christ - who has the capacity and power to know and love you, to lift your burden, and that you can successfully experience mortality. Pray that you may come to know Him. This church is often held together by the women. See that you teach and lift those around you.

"I have been told you are coming" - God has prepared a way for you. Trust in Him enough to do all you can to move forward and have faith. Things will work out.You have strength enough - you are stronger than you know. Keep working hard and trust in good things to come, even if they aren't here yet (though, you are in pretty great times, so chin up. Remember to be grateful in any circumstance). Take a step forward. Work just a little harder to move a little forward. Your voices and efforts are needed. You have a great work to perform. We are sons and daughters of the Most High God. He is our Father. That is who we are. We are blessed with the gospel. Be of good cheer. Come to know Them and Their leaders - as we follow them, I know we will come to know Christ and find strength through His Atonement and love for us. Help others to feel it, too.We know who God is, and we know we are sent here, by Him. We are so blessed. Remember that.

Never underestimate your worth, and remember to keep all things in proper balance - it is so easy to take things to extremes, to get lost in details. Pause a moment, catch your breath, relax, and remember to love and to feel love. Truth is true, and what really matters is our witness of truth - and our family. That is what matters. Learn to love them and take care of their work. Focus your work on the marvelous reality that this is the Church of JESUS CHRIST.

Europe Area Sisters Meeting September 2014 Well, that is what my thoughts were - feel free to watch it here: https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/europe-area-sisters-meeting/2014/09?lang=eng

A Letter to Me from Me

Dear Self,

I remember my friend Elsie, who while in the MTC wrote a letter for why she went on a mission, and how much it helped her. I want to do the same thing. I do feel a little silly writing myself a note and I guess I can laugh at myself later for it. I usually feel much better after writing, and I believe this can help me later too, so, it is worth it. I am putting it up here on my blog, just in case. It is a personal letter to myself, so it feels a little counter-intuitive to publish it online. I am doing this because I want to 'put it out there' - wherever there is, and to be brave. So. I will publish this letter.

I am going to get my masters in England because I was feeling stuck. And this is something I want to do, so that I can live my life on purpose, not waiting for ‘tomorrow’ or making excuses, but really living life. I felt for years that this was my next step, though it took those years for the ‘next step’ to be prepared and clear. I have felt this is right, and that a lot of work is required of me. I know that it will be hard in different ways than I am ‘planning’ for, because it is a completely new experience. But I need it. I need to learn and to hurt, to grow in new ways, and I need to know what I know and believe in even more than I do now. I need to learn how to have an opinion and to share it wisely. I need to know how to talk with others about beliefs without malice or fear – but trusting in God. I am going because I know this is right and I know that whoever I meet or whatever my challenge, my eternity will be blessed because of it. I have so much I want to see, so many adventures and memories are waiting for me.

I am writing this email exactly 30 days before I leave for London. I am writing it for a couple reasons – first, to remind myself later of how I am feeling now, what I am excited or nervous for, etc., second, to help me process impatience, loneliness, and other issues, and finally, to help me calm down now. :)

How am I feeling? Right now, tired - it is somewhat late. I am trying to convince myself to go to sleep, but my mind is still trying to figure everything out, which makes it hard to sleep. I am feeling comforted by my missionary cousins and friend, though I miss having (Lindsay) Williams shimai here with me. She is really good at listening to me, helping me feel loved, and helping me sort everything out.

I am really excited to “do something” with my life, to have adventures, to make memories, to see new things, and think in new ways. I am really nervous for embarking on this alone, of strange customs and people making fun of, belittling, or harming me and my beliefs. I am nervous and excited to see how it all pans out and I am rather impatient to start the process. I’ve been firmly planning this for just about 11 months now, and I still have one more to go. And, I am excited because I feel I am a better long-distance friend than in-person… but I am trying to work on not driving people away and letting people be close to me, I guess. And of people wanting to be my friend, it’s a cycle, but it starts with me.

Impatience: “the grass is always greener” – first of all, if I am living in London and not taking advantage of it, I am sorely disappointed. Yes, focus on school – but make memories too. Don’t waste this 12-month adventure by only planning the next one. This last year has been quite a good one, but it has especially gotten better now that I only have a little bit of time, and have made it a priority to enjoy it. I always am impatient or trying so hard to be efficient, to do everything right, that my memories are only of me trying to be efficient or of me getting upset because of impatience. I don’t want my whole life to be that way. So, at least these 12 months in England have to be epic, then you can go back to being impatient and living vicariously… Not really. Not at all. Do me a favor: Figure it out, ok?

Loneliness: You were very lonely here too, at times, and you were with your family. It isn’t a pleasant emotion, but you actually make good acquaintances really well (long-term friends is a different story), so go to a church activity and listen to someone.  Help them feel important and noticed – and then, you will be too. You are really good at throwing pity-parties. Maybe try to throw happy-parties more often. Yes, emotions will be rather tested, with everything going on – new people, a new country, a new school and high expectations and demands on time, money, and emotional resources, and loneliness is a constant companion. So, therefore, find ways to enjoy spending time with yourself, take time to do things you enjoy, and time to rest. But most importantly, find someone to listen to, and to love. That really will cure it. Yes, you will have to take initiative and be the one to reach out. Not always ideal but, desperate times call for desperate measures, and mortality is often a ‘desperate time.’ Haha. But really. Also, nothing is as constant as change. It will be ok. Just wait out the storm.

Other: I am not sure what other things will come up. Hence the name of this section. But, above all, hold to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Doubts will arise, your culture and way of life will be challenged. But, you know what you have felt – and you know that if there is any meaning in life, it comes through love, which is the gospel of Christ. If there is any truth, it comes from God. Without it, life is dark and lonely. Do not give it up. Be active at church, rely on those in your ward. Listen to the Spirit and pray always, that in times of struggle or pain, you can find peace through the Spirit. Trust in God, believe in good things to come, and know that because of your covenants, it will all be worth it, and you can succeed gloriously. And, it will make for a great story later. Take a minute, sit down, get a drink of water, maybe a snack, and look around you. The world is a beautiful place and there is light, life, and love all around you. Also, find time to go to the temple and remember your covenants.

I am, honestly, a bit overwhelmed and it scares me. I am wondering if this is not like it was in the Pre-mortal life, waiting to come to Earth, with my friends and family gone before- knowing that it would be incredibly hard, that there would be tears, and a lot of pain. And yet, knowing and wanting to go anyway. Because, like that time, I know that there are good things to come of this. I don’t know where I will end up because of it, I don’t have a set future. But it is exciting to have opportunities, to learn and to grow. To have that potential again is exciting – it is helping me to live my life on purpose, not just living vicariously. I feel like in the pre-mortal life, we learned all we could without experiencing it ourselves. We knew the answers, but without the experience, we were like rocks in the stream. Stuck. That’s how I’ve felt for the last two and a half years and I am so close to being able to move forward. Yes, this ship (me), is safe in this harbor (Wallsburg, UT, at my parents’ house), but that is not what I was created for. I have had time to recover, to realign, and figure out what I really want, and where I really want to go – at least sort of. I am stronger now, my foundation is as set as it can be, and now I just want to get on the plane and go. But, I am grateful for the time I have now to create some memories, and do some last minute fine-tuning of my character. And, I have a month to learn (or at least practice) patience. It’s taken me about 24.5 years, but this last month should do the trick. Then, I’ll have patience down perfectly. HAHA. Ok. Self, I hope I have cheered you up a bit.

As for marriage, I don’t know what to say. I would love to find my eternal companion. I want to start a family. But, I can’t keep my life on hold waiting for marriage to fall into my lap. If it means I am single for my mortal life, or it is postponed, then that is how it will have to be. I have been here long enough and I feel that the Lord knows what is best. I have not found anyone here that can, wants to, or whatever, be my companion. So for now, it will be me and the Spirit taking on London. Yes, I want it differently and it hurts when I hear people talk about girls who value education over family. I’m not just going to get married to check it off the list, you know? (I’d better know, as I am writing this to myself…)I am not purposely avoiding it or purposely being unattractive to men. This was not expected in all of my young life of writing ‘where I want to be in ten years’ – but it is where I am and I mean to make the best of it. I mean to keep learning, I intend to be the best I can be, and one day, I have faith, that I won’t be “alone” anymore.  I know my family wishes I was married now, and most of my friends are married and have at least one child. I’ve waited, I’ve dated, and I’ve even debated. I am putting my love life, no, my entire life, in the hands of the Lord and will use my agency to create a life worth living while I wait in His care. I hope that makes sense.

I am scared because I don’t have a set plan – will I be starting a family? Will I have a new job, or will I be continuing school? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll be unemployed or working somewhere worse than what I left. I am so very grateful I have this chance to live my life, to make something of myself, and hopefully be able to make a real difference in this world, and find a place where I belong and want to stay. That is what I am looking for, and it may be the place I am living now. I will never know until I try and I want to try, I want to see what I can do, try new things, and make mistakes. I want to learn and become something better than I am now, and I am grateful for the Lord who has helped show me the way and has helped me to get there.

Sincerely,

Cristina Roemmich

August 10, 2014

Gratitude

So, I have not been as faithful in updating my blog/journal...My friend and I have been having daily chats of a similar nature, so I have neglected this... but I have "remembered" today and have a little bit I can share.

In church, we discussed gratitude and happiness - in any circumstance. A girl mentioned how in her family, they discussed gratitude in prayers - and that when they say they are grateful for something, they add a "because..." - which helps us move beyond the rote and robotic prayers we can easily fall into. I am excited to use this in my prayers. As President Uchtdorf mentions, gratitude is a catalyst for all other virtues. I believe that by being truly grateful, I can find ways to move forward in faith.

We discussed that in any circumstance we can praise God - because of His eternal plan for us, His infinite love, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and so many other things. We may struggle in our circumstances, and it can be hard to be grateful when we aren't "pleased" with how things are going - but eventually - we can have gratitude in the faith that one day we will be grateful for the circumstance, even if we don't want to live it again. We can be grateful in our attitude, and not just confined to a rote list of memorized items. Gratitude is an expression of faith, and will propel us forward as we strive to learn, improve, and become like God.


Here is a wonderful talk on gratitude by President Uchtorf of the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:
Grateful in Any Circumstances

April Conference 2014

I want to include all my notes and thoughts from conference. However, my notes were about 9 pages long single spaced, which is much too long for a blog post. I'm wordy. So, I will just put the 'themes' from each talk that I liked and thought would help me best remember the talks here instead.

Saturday Morning Session

President Thomas S. Monson: Theme: Through the temple, we can prioritize, and keep joyfully dancing in the rain.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: Theme: Learn to truly love others- this will be your strength in days to come.

Elder Ronald A. Rasband of the Seventy: Theme: It is our sacred honor to bear the burdens of others – like natural disasters, anger, fear, hurt, and with the priesthood of God we can help people start to heal.

Carlos H. Amado of the Seventy: Theme: Remember Christ and who He really is, which will help me live more faithfully

Sister Linda S. Reeves – Second Counselor in RS General Presidency: Theme: Remember that when prayer, scripture study, and family time, are top priority, we find peace and healing in our lives.

Neil L. Andersen, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: Theme: As you state your beliefs in love and trust in God, you will never be as alone as you feel. Truth is eternal, learn to see and share the whole picture.

Henry B. Eyring, First Counselor in the First Presidency:  Theme: The Heritage of Hope can be claimed by all of us as we keep moving forward with each other in obedience.

Saturday Afternoon Session

Russell M. Nelson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:  Turbulence came. Theme: Let your faith show courageously as you learn and understand true principles.

Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:  Theme:  Add a line of love in someone else’s life by sharing your testimony and inviting them to start the journey to learn for themselves. Your role is to invite them to start and love them.

Robert D. Hales of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: Theme: Obedience is a sacred obligation out of love of God, ourselves, and the worth of souls

Claudio D. Zivic of the Seventy:Theme: Trust in God and walk in His ways.

W. Craig Zwick of the Seventy: Theme: empathy for the feelings and context of others.    

Elder Quentin Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: Theme: Family History is a glorious opportunity to find and strengthen each other in the temple. We have a lot of work to do and it is exciting to move forward.

Sunday Morning Session

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf Second Counselor in the First Presidency:  Theme: Gratitude is how we find healing when we feel bitter – it is more than gratitude 'for' something, but it is an attitude. It is a catalyst to all Christ-like attributes.

M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:  Theme: be a little more deliberate in inviting and remembering to reach out again and again, to bring the one closer to Christ.

Jean A. Stevens First Counselor of the Primary General Presidency: Theme: We are remembered and we are loved.

Gary E. Stevenson the Presiding Bishop: Theme: The time is now, the clock is ticking. As we reach out to others and hold true to our preparations we move forward with confidence unto Christ.

Elder David A. Bednar of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:  Theme: As we assess our individual load, remember to include the Savior. Turn to Him and find the traction needed to move forward.

President Thomas S. Monson, Prophet: Theme: Love is the true miracle and catalyst for change and happiness. All is bound by love. Day by day we can be a little more encouraging, a little more loving. As we do this, we come unto Christ and become more like Him: loving, true, and strong.

Sunday Afternoon Session

Boyd K. Packer of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles: Theme: The truths that are most worth knowing – Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost and my witness

William R. Walker of the Seventy:  Theme: Standing on the shoulders of giants we learn about truths and awaken our souls to God

L. Tom Perry of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:  Theme: Simple obedience is a choice and enables us to find the blessings of eternal life.

Lawrence E. Corbridge of the Seventy:  Can it be this simple? Theme: Truth and opposition surround us in life, hold to what you know, for you know enough.

Michael John U. Teh of the Seventy:  Theme: Priorities have a direct result on our eternal home, treasures in Heaven should be our goal.

Marcos A. Aidukaitis of the Seventy:  Theme: The search for truth is individual. It takes hard work, a deliberate effort, and an honest heart. It requires more effort than a Google search, but it is eternally more fulfilling.

D. Todd Christofferson of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles:  Theme: May you receive comfort of the truth and testimony of Jesus Christ.

President Thomas S. Monson, Prophet: Theme: More holiness give me. Keep moving forward in love and study what we have received.

Testimony - Fifth Sunday

Today, was an odd day - Fast and Testimony, and also the combined Priesthood/RS meeting. And yesterday, we had the first ever Women's Meeting, which was barely discussed at church. I feel out of sorts and I'm not sure what to do about it.

I will share my testimony here - as I have developed the habit of not doing it at church - yet I don't want to lose my testimony, so this is my alternative.

This is what I know and feel in regards to the gospel of Jesus Christ:

I know that Christ is my Savior. I feel His love when I create something - whether it is order in a chaotic house, or sketching a picture. I know that the Church and the Fullness of the Gospel has been restored. I feel secure in the foundation that I have, and hopeful for the growth ahead of me. I know that the basis of the gospel is love and individual worth, I feel like I am improving in my efforts to love those around me. I know that each person, regardless of any thing, has infinite worth and potential because of (or shown through) the Atonement of Jesus the Christ. I know that my Heavenly Father loves and knows me. I feel that I have a long way to go to come to know Him, yet I have begun already to see the 'sprouts' of this relationship awareness...in my life. I know that it is hard for me to say what I feel, especially to another person instead of just my journal/blog. I feel like it is important for me to learn how and let go, so that I can love other better. I know that through the Holy Ghost I can learn and remember all things, and I feel that my agency is crucial to that process. I know that agency is a beautiful truth and that it is worth learning how to be deliberate about. I feel like I am beginning to glimpse hope to master my agency and overcome my natural tendencies. I know that through education and action, we shape our minds and become people who can use their brain and make wise judgments by stepping back and trusting in God. I feel that since I have done this before, myself, I have the ability to develop this wisdom - and that neurologically and spiritually these things align perfectly. I know that often people see the gospel and "science" et. al as opposing forces, yet I know and feel that as we step back (to get unstuck, and to see from a different perspective) we see how perfectly they fit together.

I know that I could come up with more things that I know, yet I feel that this is sufficient and I am more at peace through this simple exercise. I am grateful for the Spirit's direction in where to turn for peace.

Love and Stake Conference

We just had Stake Conference, and it was absolutely wonderful. I had so many thoughts – I’ve had to outline them like a proper essay…what an idea. :) Anyway – They can basically be split into 3 areas 1) Master the Tempest is Raging, 2) Love, that’s what it’s all about, 3) Deliberately trusting and having faith in God.

What are my priorities when I have questions? What matters most to me? I’m not sure, to be honest. Often I feel like I get distracted or lost in all the things around me. We sang the hymn, “Master, the Tempest is Raging”, which is a hymn I love. It describes my life and fears so well, and every time, Christ comes to my aid and answers my questions.

An issue that’s been on my mind as an observer comes around every five to six months, about the role of women. This is a subject I would love to talk more about, but feel that it is best if I just summarize. See, I don’t personally worry about it but it is one I wish I could explain well to others. As of yet, my words need more prayer and thought before I share more. Because of this conference, I am reminded that when I put first things first, everything else falls into place. We were beautifully taught about the creation and the ‘sacred silence of women.’

I came away thinking that when things come up that I don’t understand, or that I question, or that I am offended at, I can let things settle down and I can be at peace – when I put God first. See, I have this tendency of over-analysis. I’m sure that comes as a surprise to those who know me, but I often get lost in the thick of thin things, getting so fixated on one little thing, I forget to ‘zoom out’ and put things back into perspective. There is truth everywhere, and when I look to the source, I can find that peace and inner strength to move forward. It may sound so simplistic, and I know when I have trouble, that’s the last thing I want to hear, but that is the truth. When I can let my heart settle a bit, I do feel better. So – what matters most, to me, is what sticks around after I can settle my heart down. Naturally, there are times when that takes longer than others, but I’m getting better, I think.

Also, I had a cool experience – we discussed the temple a lot at this conference, and I felt impressed to help teach my little brother to learn about family history. He loves computers and I feel he could greatly help here. So, I have begun talking to him about it and hope he can continue. Another thought we discussed was that in temples, the gap between knowing and becoming (testimony and conversion), is lessened – we mold our souls and see a new view of ourselves in the temple, and that is just a beautiful truth.

Love – that’s what it’s all about. This is where I have the most thoughts… so I will try to sum up.

• Everything works to teach us to love God – every commandment, every lesson; it all is to teach us to love. Everything else ensues from that love, we see each other more perfectly, and can move forward – yet we often lose perspective and forget why we do anything, but if we remember to love, to see others as we really are, everything starts to make sense.
• Love naturally invites us to listen to each other’s perspective and unite together and move forward – which is beautiful. I love the idea that the world will be when we learn how to do that.
• President Nelson asked a wonderful question that we can think about as we live our lives: “Did I at least understand the first commandment to love God?” and I would add, “Can I understand that commandment without understanding the others?” To me, it is cyclical, but love definitely comes from God and is what makes everything work out.
• “Often we live side by side, and don’t see heart to heart” what a sad, but true thought. When we really see those around us, we find our place and know how to really help. So, I hope I can learn to pause and look at those around me. I never feel confident in my ability to help those around me, but I believe that though my efforts may be small, I can learn and improve.  
• “I want to be saved, if my friends will help me” We really need each other. I feel like we each hold pieces of the puzzle, and can’t succeed without each other. Teamwork is a beautiful and probably eternal principle. :)
• Elder Holland kept talking about “It’s about the people” – which I absolutely love. Apparently, his records are in the Midway 3^rd Ward, so he was at our Stake Conference as a member, not assigned to preside. So, I am so grateful he spoke to us. There is so much beauty and wonder in each child of God. And I am grateful that he (and the other speakers) were able to help me see that a little clearer. 
• As we simply go about, trying to bless another’s life, we develop the divine purpose and attribute of love. This will be a new goal of mine – to reshape my life so that I can go about doing good, too.
• We are what matters. The worth of souls is truly great, and I forget that too often. I hope to remember the divine worth and nobility of those around me.
• I have been asked to stand as a witness – in loyalty to truth, to my beliefs, to God, to others. There is a price to pay, to bring souls to Christ, the price is inviting others. And it scares me to open my mouth. Yet, sacrifice is needed. Just like obedience in some areas comes easy to me and hard to others, speaking up for my beliefs is hard for me as I tend to want to please people without considering what I am really doing. If I don’t allow others to listen to me, not just what they want to hear, they will never have the complete picture. And, neither will I. It all comes down to love. If I truly love them, I won’t just try to please them, but I will help them when I can see my place and I can share the truths that I have. “Mean mothers defend the standards of the ‘For Strength of Youth’” and I often neglect this truth out of fear of hurting another’s feelings, or making myself vulnerable. I am not good at explaining myself succinctly, and it frightens me that I would not be able to say truth, and be understood, that I avoid it; I agree and deflect the attention. I need to learn to lovingly say what is truth and be loyal to it, and to my God first.

My last section is on deliberate and determined service – living on purpose means we can and need to trust in the Lord. So, it begs the question, whose voice do I listen to? Who do I turn to for comfort, for direction? Obviously, all these thoughts flow together which, I truly love. What are my goals? And am I deliberately choosing to move toward them? I tend to go in the general direction, yet, I feel so inspired to be more deliberate.

Our goals give us direction and help unite and connect to those around us. If our goal is love, imagine what beautiful things await us. Unity – stand first with God. Then, as we love each other, we listen to all our different perspectives, and move forward in faith. Find your refuge in the gospel. Faith is a deliberate action to move forward in hope. Progression is a miracle, and each step forward is a gift. I have so many shortcomings, so much I don’t yet understand, yet – I have come a long way, and know that metaphorically, “once I was blind, but now I can see.”

One day at a time, I can love a little better. I can realign my priorities and trust in God. Then, I can confidently and deliberately move forward, and bring others with me, just as others bring me along. Life is a beautiful thing, and it is because we matter. We really are what matters.

Testimony and Blessing

I am home, sick again. As it is the first Sunday of March, and in our church we typically have a "Fast and Testimony" meeting, (meaning instead of eating our typical meals, we pray and focus on a specific need), and then we share our beliefs together in a meeting. Since I missed out, I wanted to share here.

Yesterday was the sickest I have been in my memory (right now...), it was just the flu, so I didn't think too much of it - but it wouldn't go away and anyway, it was awful. Finally I asked my dad for a blessing, he took a few minutes to prepare, and while he did, I honestly had to pray and think about what I really expected would happen.

See, I've had blessings before - but I've always been taught that it's God's will, not mine, so I guess I typically assume that means that I won't get what I want...? I don't know if that makes sense. Anyway, I was thinking about this for awhile (before I asked my dad and before he gave me the blessing), as I was contemplating how awful I felt... and I finally decided, after reviewing my past history and the promises I've been given, that God was capable of healing me as He has helped me before. I prayed and told Him that even if I wasn't to be physically healed, if He could just give me peace, that I would be grateful.

Well, all I can say is I immediately started to feel better. I am still not all the way healed yet - but not only was I given peace, I was given strength and the healing process really started to take off. My aches and pains started to lessen, my other flu like symptoms dwindled, and most importantly, I was able to relax and go to sleep.

God really does answer prayers and He honors the priesthood and the prayers of faith. I know that it was because of that blessing, that my dad faithfully gave to me, and that I was able to find the faith to ask for, that I started to feel better and find peace again.

A Man and a Pit

I don't know why, but I love metaphors. Somehow, they connect the dots that more literal explanations often leave.

I LOVE this one. So very much. It explains our individual worth, the power of the Atonement, and all sorts of great things. I could talk about this one forever. Please read it and love it. And think about it, there is so much in this section from the Teachings of the Presidents of the Church: Joseph Fielding Smith. I seriously think there is a lot of depth and it helps me understand a ton.

http://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-of-presidents-of-the-church-joseph-fielding-smith/chapter-3-the-plan-of-salvation?lang=eng (Joseph Fielding Smith manual page 64)

"Let us illustrate: A man walking along the road happens to fall into a pit so deep and dark that he cannot climb to the surface and regain his freedom. How can he save himself from his predicament? Not by any exertions on his own part, for there is no means of escape in the pit. He calls for help, and some kindly disposed soul, hearing his cries for relief, hastens to his assistance and by lowering a ladder, gives to him the means by which he may climb again to the surface of the earth. This was precisely the condition that Adam placed himself and his posterity in, when he partook of the forbidden fruit. All being together in the pit, none could gain the surface and relieve the others. The pit was banishment from the presence of the Lord and temporal death, the dissolution of the body. And all being subject to death, none could provide the means of escape.

"The Savior comes along, not subject to that pit, and lowers the ladder. He comes down into the pit and makes it possible for us to use the ladder to escape.

"In his infinite mercy, the Father heard the cries of his children and sent his Only Begotten Son, who was not subject to death nor to sin, to provide the means of escape. This he did through his infinite atonement and the everlasting gospel."

Why Do You Care?

I believe in an immortal soul – and that things we do in this life shape us for eternity. And, if I feel like sinning (any sin…there are quite a lot of them), is separating us from where we’d really want to go if we understood how all the pieces fit together.

A girl in my ward today said, in discussing obedience, that if we don’t understand the law we’re given, we probably don’t understand the consequences of breaking that law – so God is protecting us from a really hard experience.

Lately, friends or friends-of-friends, who profess to have the same beliefs I do, have been saying things that I don’t agree with. Two friends, in particular, parrot the common “it doesn’t hurt you, so why do you care” argument – that can be hard to get people to see why I care. Let me see if I can explain…

Say someone was blindfolded and couldn’t see they were walking towards a cliff. Why would you care? It doesn’t hurt you. What if they like being blindfolded while walking in precarious areas? Who are you to tell them how to live their life? It’s a dumb example and I can hear criticism already. But at the same time, I kind of like it.

Let me try again. Everyone is blind and in a forest on the edge of a cliff – we know if we walk in a general direction, we will find a bridge that will take us to a great hospital so we can see again. But there is only one bridge, across the dangerous chasm. Well, a few people have made it to the bridge – were healed of blindness, and then tried to direct people the hospital. But why should the people who can’t see trust the ones that can? Especially when they’ve been led into rocks and trees, and had a lot of painful experiences because of well-intentioned people, it is incredibly hard to trust. Eventually, some people just make the best of their blindness (it’s definitely possible), and some live on the edge. It seems to me that there are infinite ways a person can fall off the cliff – and so naturally, those who know how to help, want to help people really reach their potential.  Why would we care? Because we value human life, potential for joy, and improvement.

So – all that is really left for us to do is to figure out if the people who are talking to us, offering to be guides, truly can see – truly care – and truly are called of God. And then, if we can find them, and we actually listen to them, we can help others stay away from cliffs – and sins – so they too can find a way to see more clearly. I don’t know if that makes sense. But that’s what I was thinking about today.

Once we can see that, we want to help others – even if all we know is there is a cliff around here somewhere, and another trusted person has told me what to stay away from, I’m going to do what I can to help you too.