Jump

Early this morning, I woke up from a dream, and felt strongly impressed to write a very personal blog post. So, I did. And the whole time, I felt such peace and hope, even though I have no idea how this will end. I may have messed everything up, but I still feel that peace and hope.

I also decided at church today to jump into genealogy  but not to find names, but to learn history. I am currently of the opinion most names of mine are already found, so I will start learning what I can.

My grandma has been put into hospice, which means that they're just making her comfortable until she is no longer on this earth. It's weird to realize this, and I have naively denied my parents the right to die, at least until I am ready for it. :)

And, on this blog, I'm also going to be writing a little more stories about my life and not just my thoughts.

Christmas Bells are Ringing

You know it's the end of the year when... the cute Primary kids sing, the choir goes up, and you hear wonderful talks about our Savior.

I've been living at my parents', trying to sort out a messy apartment situation, and have been loving the care I have found here. I am still paying for my old place, and my gas bill has gone significantly up, and it gets overwhelming at times.

I was sitting in church today, when I realized I was starting to have a panic moment again - life, the future, how literally stuck I am, and it hit me, that living at home, I can ignore it easier. The problems haven't gone away, but, I've found the support I need to think about other things. So, I realized this, but once I start freaking out, I kinda want to finish... so, I thought about that, and then decided that I'd just keep ignoring it, and go back to focusing on the wonderful lesson we were given about the Savior and how we can make sure He is in our daily lives.

I have another blog, called "Invitation to Remember" for just that purpose. I'm coming up/past my year mark, I can't really remember, ironically. I haven't become a sensation, people aren't passing my thoughts around, and I am no where near famous. But, I have come so much closer to knowing my Savior.

I want to keep coming closer to Him. I want to know Him, to trust Him completely, to ignore all the endless possibilities for sadness and misery and remember that He has promised me peace and eternal joy.

I am right where I need to be. I don't know how everything is going to sort out, but I am at peace. I just pray that I get to enjoy it for a little bit before my bubble bursts again with a new storm of troubles. I'm just learning how to deal with the ones I've got (so yes, queue the next wave...), and it is through relying on my family, by finding deliberate ways to keep getting better, to trust a little more, and to remember Him a little more often.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Reality - Good and Evil

I just finished reading the book of Ether, and we talked about it in church today too. It struck me this time the importance and reality that there is evil. This week we also read about the tragedies in Connecticut and also in China, with the children being killed. Evil surrounds us. I can't tell you how much I treasured reading chapter 12 of Ether. It is Moroni's section, discussing faith, hope, and charity. If it weren't for that chapter, I don't know how well I could have read the rest of the book - it was the light in the darkness of that book.

God keeps His promises - on both ends. The way is clear. It is hard to keep going sometimes, but it is so important to have faith, it leads to hope, which enables charity, giving us strength for more faith. We can move forward, we can be at peace, we can have joy, even in the middle of the great evils that surround us. They are real. The consequences for them are just as real as the blessings are that have been promised to us. Let's keep going :)

Ether 6

I love Ether 6. I love that it is the furious winds which direct people where they needed to go, and I love that they had to wait 344ish days in basically the dark, confined space, not knowing what was next. That's where I am in my life right now too, but it may be longer than 344ish days. We'll see. But, I know that I can keep going in faith, because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. He made it all possible for me to live and to learn, and to become an agent to myself, to act, to grow, to learn to be more like God.

Merry Christmas - Bitterness Be Gone

Today was a Fast Sunday - where we devote special energy to help us feel the Spirit.

Well, today I fasted in an attempt to purge my heart a little more of bitterness. I've had a hard year, and had to rededicate myself to the principles taught by Christ, and to love the Lord a little more, in order to let go of the hurt I've accumulated this past year. Lately, I've just been a little worn out, and so bitterness found its way into my heart more than I would have liked.

Luckily, Christ hasn't given up on me yet, and has helped me learn more about letting go by turning to Him and asking for His help once more, and to keep working hard to come unto Him.

Do all you can, and be patient. If you really are doing all you can, you can let your heart be at peace, things will work out, even though the hurt is real, it is not permanent, and God keeps His promises.

Forgiveness and Mercy

Today, the two things on my mind are inter-related. Forgiveness and mercy. Forgiveness and letting go of the hurts I feel can be hard for me. I don't seem to hold a grudge against a person, but the hurt remains. Finding mercy, and showing it to others is another big item. In addition, I just don't seem to trust that things will work out enough to make a decision and move forward.

So, I am feeling a little lost at the moment. But, today, when I heard these messages, I felt hope start tugging at my heart strings again. Things will work out, and it's ok to take a step back for awhile and catch your breath.

Believe Anyway

Today's lessons in my ward were not "cohesive" in the sense that I had one major takeaway.

So, instead, I will just reflect on my thoughts from the day. The storm will pass. It will be scary, and hard, but we are prepared, we can keep going. Life doesn't always make sense, but we can believe anyway.


"Let me begin by reminding you that we so blithely say in the Church that life is a school, a testing ground. It is true, even though it is trite. What we don't accept are the implications of that true teaching—at least as fully as we should. One of the implications is that the tests that we face are real. They are not going to be things we can do with one hand tied behind our backs. They are real enough that if we meet them we shall know that we have felt them, because we will feel them deeply and keenly and pervasively."
Neal A. Maxwell (here's a link to the amazing address where this came from)

Elder Maxwell talks about how these things are very real, but they are very temporary. :) Keep believing, keep working, keep striving.

Sorry, this is short, but here are two pictures of the sun shining through the storm clouds. Life is hard, but we can prepare, we can learn, we can turn to each other, we can come unto Christ.

Sunday, November 11

Let's see. Loyalty and covenants have been on my mind a lot. We also talked a lot about kindness and following the Spirit.

I don't have a ton of time, but had a couple of thoughts about those and other things. Loyalty is so intertwined with the gospel, it's important to remember, and covenants are wonderful and I love that we have them. I love the emphasis on being kind, but also standing for true principles. It's a hard balance, but it is vital. Follow the Spirit, trust in Him to lead you in paths that are right.

I just wanted to remind you that you're fantastic. And to keep striving to improve your fantastic-ness, it is possible. I don't have much time to chat... 

 My testimony keeps growing, and it's a wonderful thing. The church is restored on the Earth, and Christ is in charge. I loved that a lot of my friends passed scriptures along when Obama won. It was really cool to watch them react. I was actually in the temple during the voting- well, after I voted. It made the whole thing peaceful, and where I'm not happy about it, and feel like evil is encircling us, I doubt Mitt Romney could have saved the world, though I would rather have him as president anyway. We already have a Savior, we already know the outcome, and we just have to keep going, keep striving, and keep trusting, being truly, fiercely loyal to our God and King.

ANYway. You rock. Keep trusting God and keep working hard.

Danger, Will Robinson

Is apathy dangerous? I would argue that apathy is at least as bad for your soul as pure hatred. Even as I say it, I wonder if I can back it up sufficiently. Yet, I stick by my statement. Apathy can take many forms, but I think I will focus on your testimony and personal growth.

See, I was in choir today, preparing for next week's musical number. I am not the most musical person I've ever known but, I have a little ability there. Anyway, I started hearing someone off pitch just a little, and as I paid attention, it became obvious that that person was me. I had stopped paying attention. I figured I was well on my way and knew how to sing, so no big deal. I had forgotten to listen.

I just didn't care to and my ability slid.

In life, it is easy to not pay attention to what you are doing. It is easy to care about what others are doing and how it affects you, but it is not so easy to look at yourself. It is hard for me to look at myself because when I do, I'm often plagued by so many "you should be doing..." "you should look like..." "you should be perfect already" types of ideas, so I often shut it off and just assume I am doing good enough, in every area.

Life is a difficult balancing act. In my ward today, we talked about many things, but one thing that really stuck out was about commitment, and why the Lord requires that we make and follow them. Everything God does is out of love for us, and therefore, the commandments are for our eternal - and temporal - well being. Are we following them?

What areas are you lacking? Ask yourself what more you could do, what more you could give up, and what you need to work on. You are not yet perfect. For instance, I need to be more patient with my eternal progress, my roommates' conflicting beliefs/behaviors, and where I am at in life. I also need to work harder at trusting in God, in being a better visiting teacher, and loving my calling. The thing is, I live either in "Oh, I'm doing just fine and don't need to pay attention or work for anything" and "I am a horrible person, there is so much wrong with me and no hope that I can ever be perfect."

My friend mentioned how she likes to think of all of the commitments and laws of God as traffic laws. She travels a lot, and often finds that many people don't care about traffic laws, they just drive how they want. God gave us our 'traffic laws' so that we could all help each other, so that we can come back to Him easily. But, sometimes, we don't care. We don't see the big picture, why things matter, and we all have that one law where we feel we can be the exception, or that it is really 'just a suggestion.'

Apathy is dangerous. It leads us down paths we don't really want to go. Hold on to your commitments, remember them, remember to make them a part of who you are, and consciously work to improve. Trust that as you work on the areas that the Spirit is with you on, that you will come closer to God, you will improve, and it will all fall into place. Remember that your heart must first be in the right place. Learn to care, learn to hope, learn to turn to the Savior when everything else falls apart.

I believe in Christ.

Today has to be a really short post. But I wanted to say that I believe my Savior will save me, in His way, His time, and it will be perfect. I believe Him when He says He will keep His promises, and I believe that He has made promises with me. And I can trust in that enough to go forward and serve His children, my family.

Now, I'm off to go celebrate my wonderful mother's birthday.

It's true, then what else matters?

Do you believe that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the restored church of God, or just a group of nice people trying to be good? The church is either of God, it has either been restored in its fullness  and is still on the earth, or all the prophesies are wrong and we are all lost without hope because the healing word of God cannot go to all people.

What do you believe? What do you live by?


Do you see the world in shades of gray. When I have, I have found that living in a world of gray is so confusing,  not knowing what is right or where to go. Life is hard enough on its own. When I focus on God, I can see black and white, better, and know the way I should go.

I don't doubt, I don't question the Lord. I know in whom I trust. The way I see it, you now have to choose what to hold on to. If you just pick a few threads of the gospel you will find yourself falling in the great storm of life because they don't have enough strength on their own to sustain you. You are at a crossroads my friend. 

Do you read and study your scriptures daily? Do you pray? When was the last time you went to the temple? And when can you go again?

I know these are private answers, so I don't really expect an answer, but I love introspective questions, so really come up with answers.

I know that we are not alone, our God has not taken His authority and power to help all His children find strength. It is here, it is within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  This church is not just an organization ran by good people, it is an organization with Christ at its head, and Thomas S. Monson, the Lord's anointed prophet directing it here on Earth. If Thomas S. Monson is anything else, this church is false. I know that He is God's prophet, and it is through listening to Him that we hear the Savior's voice too.

Our Savior lived in mortality for not much longer than I've been alive. Within that time, He never once put Himself first, He never once made excuses so that the way was 'easier' than living obediently. He never complained or ignored His fellowmen, and lived in such a way to bring others up, not leaving them in doubt or held captive by darkness. He remembered us, and He loves us, and though He was constantly given reasons to turn away, to take an easier path, to give up, He never gave any heed to the tempter. The temptations were still there, but He turned away from them and focused on God and His eternal work, of which we are both a part. He knew what was right and He lived it. He ignored counterfeits by immediately identifying them, and rejecting them. Christ concluded His mortal ministry in the greatest pain, the greatest loneliness, the greatest hurt, and with as many reasons to quit as you could possibly imagine, but He held on. I know that our Savior lived this way so that we can come back. So that we have a reason to rejoice, to find strength, and to find direction when we are lost. There is a way prepared. This way, we can be strong, we can have faith at all times, we can be truly wise and not just intelligent, we can be true, and we can be united eternally.  It is through His life, and His death, His daily struggles and conquests over the adversary that the door was opened, the way was prepared, and now we can follow in it.

The choice is yours what to believe. I hope you would write it down in your journal and I would hope that you would find truth and live it. Theoretical debates are great, but whatever path you choose, I hope you find peace and answers, not just more questions. Choose who to follow and I hope you find joy and healing.

The life you lead is your own. If you look for faults or inadequacies in the church, I guarantee you'll find them. Does that mean that Thomas S. Monson is not the true and living prophet? No. God has not ceased leading this Church. Do you believe that? Please don't fall to doubt and fear, questioning everything and trusting no one.There is a way prepared, the truth was restored by Joseph Smith, and prophets have led the church since. It is through this continuing revelation we find strength to go on each day, and hope for eternity. We cannot have that without the prophet. I would hope that you continue to read and study the words of God as much as you do any other book, for where there is light in those books you mention, there is only one source of perfect light, God, and if you only settle for a little light, a little bit of truth in a sea of almost-truths, you'll live your life in darkness. And I for one will not live that way.

I know it is long, but it is true. What else matters?

Fellowship and my thoughts on beer

I have another blog, and someone has reached out to me and we chat via email sometimes. I just got this in my email, and my reply is below. I probably should have planned it out a little more, and prayed a little harder for inspiration, but I think it is right.

"May I say something controversial and hopefully thought provoking? Did you know...that beer is ok according to the Word of Wisdom (being a mild barley drink), and that Mormons were one of the foremost producers and consumers of beer until Prohibition? And that the fact that Mormons consider it a moral standard to not drink today has nothing to do with revelation, but instead is largely based on ignorance? Not saying I have ever had a drink or necessarily ever will, but this is one aspect of a potentially very large and interesting discussion. And I know it's controversial :) and I am still learning more on the subject. But I thought I'd throw that out there."

My reply "I think it is great to learn things for ourselves, like you said you are still learning more, and so am I, so I don't want to crush your opinion with mine, so please keep that in mind as I ramble:Up until reading this, I had never heard any of that, but from where I stand, it needs more research on my end before I comment - I don't know any more than what you have told me and don't feel like looking it up so I will just give ya my opinion as is. :) We could easily get into the semantics of the Word of Wisdom. It may be ok. Here's my thing. I don't care. I have personally seen effects of people drinking beer, it stinks, and it takes away agency and humanity. Therefore, I am morally opposed to it. Call it ignorance if you will, maybe the Word of Wisdom says it is ok. Personally, I don't think it does say that, mostly because of beer's affects on the human brain. The Word of Wisdom is a principle to guide us, it doesn't say don't drink beer, and it doesn't say don't drink gasoline. Personally, I shall not drink either. And, I'm not sure it hasn't been revealed.

The thing is, the Word of Wisdom was given from a loving Father who knows more than we do, obviously, and can see the complete picture. The specifics that were revealed are just that, revealed in section 89. Sugar, caffeine, white flour, etc. etc., I'm not sure. I also don't know what it means by we are to use strong drinks for the washing of our bodies or something... I don't understand a lot, but I will stand up for what I know to be true, and I will turn to the One who does know all things to clarify my perspectives further on this subject and any other I come across.

I hope, as boldly as I felt I was there, that I didn't come across as antagonistic. If I did, I am sorry. My opinion hasn't changed, and I need to learn more. I am grateful for what you have shared with me and am excited to learn more with you.


There is always going to be a lot we don't understand, and semantics alone can be very vague and confusing. Then you add in trying to understand revelation, and it is very hard. And it is even harder to broadly apply it to the world, let alone to just one person."

AND I gave a talk today! It went well, I think. I felt really strong and bold with my preparation, and that the Spirit was guiding me. Hopefully that is the case and people's hearts were touched.

It was on Fellowship and I really have caught the vision, at least a glimpse of the vision, of how important fellowship is, and I've resolved to work at it a little more. We can trust in the promise that we are going to be ok and provided for, that we are not forgotten, and we can be there for each other. We need each other and we need to step up and help each other.

General Conference

Oh. Wow. What else can I say about today (and yesterday, of course)

First, the Spirit testified so strongly of the truths that were spoken. I am so glad I was able to watch and listen as history was made and historic talks were given. Second - I developed a blog post that I'm very excited about. It has to do with Fact - Meaning - Feeling - Action. Get excited, and go check out my other blog soon. This one is mostly for me, after all.

I wanted to write a little snippet of all the talks. But, I am running out of energy and computer life, so I'm just going to say a couple of things I want to remember. First, taking notes is vital. I convinced my littlest brother to write down one thing from each talk that he liked, and he did, and I felt the Spirit from what he learned and it was so cool to watch him learn of Christ too, all it took was reminding him to pay attention :)

I'm a huge note-taker and firmly believe that I have received so much inspiration in my life because I write things down. Sometimes, I cannot act immediately on promptings I received, but I can write them down, which helps me value them and remember them.

Probably the biggest takeaway is to keep striving. It is vital that I step up and be more valiant. I can have hope, I can remember my Savior, and I can be at peace, finding enabling strength to get me through each day. Study these words. eave the neutral facade that you are in, make a decision, and come unto Christ. Learn of Him, act more as He does, and find yourself becoming as He is.

Email to T

I'm being completely lazy today, but, I don't care. Here is my email that I sent to Elder T., which gives a pretty good update and highlights what I learned At Church Today because it culminates everything I've been  thinking about lately, in a succinct way, which is something I definitely struggle with... :)

One thing I wanted to be sure to tell you was: Let it be ok. As you may know, I am a perfectionist, and get stressed because of it. I also love to know everything and feel like I need to be in control.

Well, lately, I've decided to let my best effort be ok. Let my lack of knowledge be ok and not prevent me from having faith, I can let it be ok that God is in charge and not me. It is a tricky balance because it would be easy to be lazy, but I can keep working and striving to come unto my Savior. If I focus on what I can do, and leave the rest to Him, it will work out.

Secondly, I am friends with myself now. I recently discovered this is something I can be learning while I am living here. I am not very happy here to be honest, with my roommates, and I don't have a buddy friend like I'm accustomed to, but I am learning to do things with myself, to let it be ok that I'm my best friend right now, I'm finding I'm pretty cool... :) I don't know if that makes sense, but I've never really had to think if I was friends with myself, like if I actually liked who I was. That may be foreign to you, and you may think I'm crazy, but it's been nice to have a friend - even if that friend is me - I always understand my perspective and I can be patient with myself.

Ok. That's about it. As for what I've been up to - I got to go up to the RS conference yesterday, that was good, I really enjoyed it. I mostly took away that I am out of one of my life storms, so while I am not being pounded upon, I can strengthen those around me. More storms will come, for sure, but I am secure enough where I'm at to strengthen my sisters/brothers, etc. 


----
I also wanted to say that I know my Redeemer lives and that Jesus is the Christ. I know that when I remember that everything else falls into place and I can be at peace. And I will continue to do the small things, praying as often as possible and studying the scriptures, and making a conscious effort to be more like my Savior, that I will improve.

Keep striving.

Remember your covenants and keep them

There will be times where you will feel foolish, where you will get distracted from truth and righteousness. Repent quickly. Come back to Christ.

You don't need to give heed to temptation. Prepare, know your weaknesses, build your foundation in Christ,  and move forward.

Also, just because it hasn't happened yet, I can remember the joy and promises, recognizing Him in my life even though it isn't the Big Important things right now - whatever those are for me today, tomorrow, or ever.

Trust in the third member of the Godhead, and what He has revealed to you. We are not alone and we can keep going in faith, building our foundation on truth.

Remember: Brigham City Temple Dedication

As it happens, I am a little grumpy today. And, what's worse is that there is no good reason for it. I am not tired nor rather hungry. I have spent the day first at a wonderful temple dedication, then I took a lovely nap, and have been reading since then. On all accounts I ought to be in a pleasant mood. And, now that I'm realizing all this I think I shall start changing my attitude.

Brigham City Temple Dedication - this was a special ceremony of praise, helping me remember the Savior and His role in our lives. I have rededicated my heart to going to the temple with increased regularity. I believe that this will help me create and maintain increased faith, hope, and charity. And, oh how I need more of all three.

Since I moved to Orem, I have only gone to the temple once. Granted, I've only been here for a month, but I used to go weekly. It is interesting for me to note how quickly my testimony has faltered. See, I don't think it would if I had moved somewhere without easy access to a temple, but as it is, I just got distracted and so, my testimony wavered. Through the dedication, I was able to remember my priorities and unify my heart a little closer to God. Elder Perry mentioned a fire that destroyed the Brigham City Tabernacle and how we will all have fires testing our faith. It is been like that for me for a few months now and I need to start rebuilding from the ashes. I do love that idea.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my blog "Invitation to Remember" and how I never served a full time, LDS mission. Sister Packer mentioned how sometimes our words are unpolished, and yet our hearts sincere. This daily living, of following the Spirit can work miracles if we will continue to endure. Someone recently told me that my style of writing was "interesting..." (the ... was just a pause in their voice) and that they didn't think some parts were good/right/whatever, and it hurt me because it came from a friend. I almost went down the path that would have led me to stop writing. See, I just wrote a post that talked about my challenge feeling beautiful and worth something, because I had learned about person who struggled as I had done, and I wrote what I thought could help, and my friend knew that. In fact, it was this friend who told me of the person struggling. So, I was vulnerable.

It was at this dedication where I felt peace, where I felt that I am part of a divine work and that as I look upward and turn outward, looking to God and serving those around me, I will be a force for good. Even if my words are unpolished. I need to let my heart be at peace, and go forward in faith, as there is quite some distance yet to go. I can and will continue on.

I know that the Lord accepted the Brigham City Temple as one of His holy houses, to help further the work. I know that I have a part to play. And I know that I can be at peace today, tomorrow, and for eternity as I remember Him.

Regional and Stake Conference

I took SO many notes yesterday and today. I won't regale them all for you, because seriously, there are a lot. I learned and remembered several things which helped me open my heart to the Spirit and have strength to stop looking down and remember to look up and to be grateful. That is probably the biggest lesson I learned/remembered. We are not alone.

Sometimes, I can be so hard hearted. So blind to truth and to the enabling power of the Savior, if I would just remember to look up. And often, I selfishly conclude that my prayers must not be getting through or that even worse, He doesn't care about me. 

Luckily, I got a sound, caring, chastening yesterday and today. And, I got help softening my heart so I could hear and be edified again, strengthening my resolve to move forward however I can. We have so much to do, so much to focus on, and so I can just look around and take comfort from my Savior.

One thing that has come to my mind a few times this week has been the idea that we are built on His rock. Over the past few months, I imagined myself kind of on the side of a giant cliff (it's made of rock), clinging to it, begging to be taken care of and supported, as the sea surges and storms around me. 

It has only been lately that I have thought that maybe, just maybe, just maybe, I am not on the cliff's side. I am firmly grounded far from the edge, carefully watched over as I worry and fret, with my Savior pleading with me to open my eyes and trust in Him. So, I am letting you know that I'm opening my eyes - as fast as I metaphorically can, but for it to be in my character will take time and that's ok. I am working on building my trust in Him, even if I shut my eyes periodically and cling to the rock. One day I'll look back at how silly I must look clinging to the rock, but well, it will have to be ok at present as I am working on it but not perfect yet. :)

The reminder and commandment to trust Him is what hit home with me at this conference. Everything is alright, and He is the Master and Commander. I can be faithful and I can live on this rock. I can open my eyes, and my heart, to trust in Him and reach out to others. I am secure where I stand and I can help, I need to help. It is by letting my Savior be my Savior, and following in His way, that I find peace and strength, to live in happiness as He would have be do. He loves me infinitely more than I can imagine and I can remember that I am not forgotten, insignificant, or alone. I also have a great responsibility to help those around me and lift where I stand.

Aloe Vera

2 things stick out about today and I'm not sure how to write them in a way that would make sense...

So, this post may ramble more than most...

One is that sometimes the best way for things to heal is counter-intuitive, and we must be brave enough to go the way that hurts in the short term to be happy for eternity. The second is that we must truly live what we believe. It shows, and though final judgments may not take place yet, they are coming.

1. I got sunburned yesterday, on the insides of my elbows, you know, the part of your arms that is whiter because it never sees the sun? It was rather painful. Yesterday I couldn't even find my aloe vera so I just had to hold still and hope I didn't move too much. Then, at church, my friend said I needed to wash the burn with as hot of water as I could stand, and scrub the burn. This, apparently helps sunburns heal. I wasn't going to try it, but he phrased it in such a way that reminded me of a lesson in faith.

See, the devil often draws us in by easier ways, by immediate gratification. And, when he said this, I felt that it had deeper implications. Sometimes, we don't try the one way that will help us heal. Aloe Vera helps healing, sure. But mostly, it just soothes us while we hurt, and it hurts to put it on. My friend's method directed me to solve the problem instead of just mask the pain. I know that isn't necessarily the best metaphor or parallel, but I want you to know that within a couple hours after washing my arms, the burn has visibly started healing. It still hurts, sadly, but it is going away.

Second: Elder Holland spoke today. It was fabulous. I wanted to get a hug from him, but got so much comfort from his words, it was like getting a desperately needed hug (and I've been needing a good hug lately). Yes, he chastised us because of our lack of faith, of judging, of checking our religion at the door. Babylon is great, and it has a great hold of our hearts. The thing is, I felt comforted. I've been feeling helpless lately, seeing so much pain and suffering around me, because of ignorance, and I haven't known what to do.

One of my roommates has suspicious behavior about a couple things, but the thing that stuck out today was this: My ward is rather spread out, so they have this thing called "Ward Round-up" to see who has moved in and didn't know where to go. Well, they stopped by today and talked to my roommate. She told them that she goes up to her parents' ward in Draper. However, to my knowledge, she never has. NOW, that is to my knowledge. I know she didn't go today and she doesn't appear to have a car, so anyway. Either way, I got to thinking that she (or others like her) has made her choice and I won't pressure her to come back or confront her about what I think is right for her. I will make sure she knows about activities and all, but I am not going to shove it down her throat. I also thought how fair and just our Father in Heaven is. He wants all to come back, (maybe I will have a role, even just a reminder, in her life, to come back to Him) Yet, He won't force anyone and His judgments are perfectly just as He will wait for us to truly become who we choose, and He will award us our choices because of our agency.

We must be strong, in whatever we choose. We must choose sometimes to forsake the easy path and try something that hurts. Things in my life still seem very impossible. Yet, I know that I can be happy where I am at and I can trust in His promises, they are still there for me, and I know that my Savior lives and loves me, and so I can move forward. I can have faith and I can trust in that and wait for good things to come, and find joy in my daily life now too. Some days I need more reminders than others, but that is ok too. That's what I learned at church (and the rest of the day) today.

Questions

So, with this new ward, I've been trying to be more social. I go to every activity and have decided not to wait for people to reach out to me, but instead will reach out to others. In the past, it's been the resident members' job to reach out or else I'd just stay in my bubble. But, this time, I decided to open up a little and look for friends and people to help.

I was worried for today's meeting, a special Fast and Testimony meeting, because I live in a very small ward even though it has big boundaries, and people are more reserved about participating. I shouldn't have been worried. There wasn't any downtime in between any of the testimonies. I may have been asked to give the prayer a lot today and there weren't many members of the choir, but, it was a good day.

By this point, you may be asking why I titled this "Questions" and I shall now tell you. As is my habit, in an effort to be accountable for what I've felt in my meetings, I take notes. My notes were full of questions today, about me, my progress, and what my goals were. Reading them again, there aren't as many questions as I thought, but the main takeaway for me was to keep looking at how I'm doing, good and bad, knowing truth about who I am and what I believe.

I shall just write my notes I think and let you interpret them. Good luck...

What is in your heart?
Listen to the Spirit, find Truth through diligent study and action
Open your heart a little more to Him. Ask Him for more help and trust that it will be taken care of as you do what you can, even if it doesn't seem related to the end goal.
Look upward, turn outward, and keep moving forward
Follow the Spirit, Hold on in faith, you have strength enough through Christ
Find strength through your family.
Trust enough to follow Him as He leads you (yes, I thought of ballroom dancing here, and life can definitely feel that way, that I'm going backwards, though sometimes I am directed into "promenade" or other positions and can literally see where I'm going... I'll have to write a post about that soon... I like the imagery...)
Be a little more humble.
Accept light and truth in whatever form it comes. If it is good, even if it is not perfect, even if it doesn't seem 'worthy' as long as it is good, and the motives are right.
Choose to see the good in the world.
You, too, can be forgiven. Be at peace. You have strength sufficient.
Find joy in learning and in growth, even if it is hard
Reread your Patriarchal Blessing, see how God shows His love for you, how He is showing you part of your potential and that you are so loved. Look at how bright your future is. Keep going in faith.
What value and meaning does it have to you that the Book of Mormon and other scriptures are REAL? That they actually happened, the people at that time lived and died, loved and hated?
How can we gain strength by getting to know them?
How has the gospel changed your life?
You really are being guided back to him. Trust in where Christ leads you.

Moving and New Beginnings

Sorry I didn't write last week, journal {and anyone reading this}. I have just moved from the BYU Bubble all the way to... Orem. I know, quite a move.

It brought with it a lot of changes, even though the geographic change is barely noticeable.

I don't quite feel alone, but I don't know how I've been feeling lately, because I am definitely the most alone I have ever been, and sometimes it can be quite hard. It's not that people aren't around, I have a Korean roommate and she has lots of her friends over quite often, but I definitely feel out of place, and yet right where I should be.

Last week I couldn't find my ward and that's when it really hit me that I was alone. I didn't have my usual support systems in place and though was fine, it made me wake up to the reality of faith a little more. I didn't have internet and so forgot to write about it here, for which I apologize. It was hard, not knowing quite where I fit, and that I didn't have a ward and couldn't pay tithing, and all sorts of things came to my awareness.

I found it this week and where I wasn't immediately overwhelmed with unshakable understanding and the windows of heaven opening revealing in all majesty that this is where I am supposed to be, I am confident that I will grow to learn that.

One thing that really stuck out to me today is that I need to pray for more humility, that I may yield my heart to God. I definitely struggle in yielding my heart. I've been wanting to find ways to be of more service to my God and those around me and have felt so lost at what I could possibly do. I know as I pray that I can find ways, through the guidance of the Spirit, that I can use my talents to serve in the Kingdom of God.

It is by turning to God that I can find who I truly am. Not just who I say I am, and not just who God says I am, but the truth... if that makes sense. Lately I've been thinking about that, truth v. just what God says (yes, I know God is a God of Truth), and I was at peace again knowing that God could show truth unto me.

I've also been thinking about how we all want to be important. We want our roles to be ... like Harry Potter, or something. We want to be important, valued, and needed. I was given a blessing today, as were my siblings, and in it, we heard how we were important. I often hear that and am cynical (not one of my better attributes), thinking that important could definitely mean different things, but not necessarily one of a kind, not necessarily the Chosen One, or whatever. I just have to remember that it is like a puzzle. One piece is not greater than the other, and we are not complete without each other, and my piece is very valued, even if it is not the picture in its entirety. See, even Harry Potter didn't do it on his own, he didn't even do it with just Hermione, Ron, and Dumbledore. We just see it from his perspective, and yes, he did have a crucial role, but I'm getting off track here.

We are the heroes of our own lives, and we need to have faith that God is in charge and will direct our paths as we lean on His understanding of truth and not our own, and as we rely on His strength and acknowledge our limits. We can't do it alone, but we can further our important work, in which we each have a crucial role. Yield your heart and your understanding, little by little, day by day.Things will work out, and if not, well, change your perspective. Go forward with whatever level of faith you can manage.

War in Heaven, War on Earth: Politics

This idea is definitely limited, because there isn’t one side who is truly evil, and one who is truly good. So, keep that in mind with what I have to say.

War in Heaven:

No blood shed

About issues

Difficult to separate the truth from the lies

Some only seek power, others seek to lead us on a better way.

Some make the wrong seem right, by the power of words and selective truths.

Wars in the Book of Mormon:

Dissenters—those who had the truth and purposely left, do the most damage

Use flattering words to gain support

Distract us from what is important

Alma 46:8-9 describes the power of one evil leader: he was incredibly persuasive; he made a lot of sense to a lot of people.

One righteous leader can shake the powers of hell, and it is this kind of leader that I strive to follow.

We are so divided today

Political War:

Mosiah 29:26-27 Now it is not common that the voice of the people desireth anything contrary to that which is right; but it is common for the lesser part of the people to desire that which is not right; therefore this shall ye observe and make it your law—to do your business by the voice of the people.

And if the time comes that the voice of the people doth choose iniquity, then is the time that the judgments of God will come upon you; yea, then is the time he will visit you with great destruction even as he has hitherto visited this land.

We have the choice to choose a path that follows our God, or turns away from Him. I remembered so strongly today why I have the political opinions I do.

I have so much I want to say on this topic, there is a reason there is such a long list.

Neither major political party nor its members are close to perfect. However, one is much closer with my testimony. Let me bring it back to the War in Heaven. One side believed that there shouldn’t be any question about who gets back to God, everyone should. And they knew how it should be. God would force us back, either by taking away choice or by making our choices not matter. That is one of my favorite discussions, but I’ll save it for another time. It is so strikingly similar to some aspects of politics today. See, no one would say that some people aren’t deserving of God’s love, everyone should be saved, and we want to be with all our loved ones in Heaven, don’t we?

It does matter what we choose though, no one is disputing that. We were not put in equal places in life, given the exact same life course, and the exact same outcome. We each have an experience tailored to our situation, and no, life is not fair and we shouldn’t stop trying to help those we can. In the same way, we should all come back to Christ, but we should come back because that is the kind of person we’ve become, not just because that is the way God’s laws were set up, that everyone gets a free pass.

In today’s world, we are faced with the same underlying questions, shouldn’t we all be given an equal portion? Of course. Do we have a perfect system? No. Should we just have the government force us to all be equal? Some would say yes, I definitely say no. Why? Because it changes who we become when expect, depend and are always given everything we need or want. We are different for a reason. We need to do our best to help those around us, but the government, like God, should not force us to be saints, and it shouldn’t make our efforts null because the result is the same. We need a better system, we need a righteous leader to help us get back.

Why do we say some children are spoiled? Is it possible for adults, even non-wealthy people, to be spoiled?

Yes.

How? I am spoiled when I just expect everything to be given to me, when I no longer have the internal motivation to help someone else, when I just do what I’m told and I no longer think for myself, when my opinion is lost, when who I am becomes just a cog in a machine.

Who are we becoming when we buy into these ideas? We are not becoming like our Savior.

What are we fighting for? We are not fighting life and mortal death battles here, but everyday battles of eternal significance for who we are becoming. Politics are a big part.

I will just end with this: Choose your vote wisely. Make your choices with care. These things have eternal significance. I know that we will either be led to Christ or away from Him as a country because of politics. Choose wisely, choose actively. Trust God, and remember, the war for our souls is still going, it didn’t end. I can make a difference, even if my candidate isn’t elected. Because of my choice, I am coming to know my God a little better, and see His perfect love for each of His children. And now, I am more motivated to find better solutions and elect better people to help even more of my brothers and sisters.

Look Upward, Turn Outward

Today was another amazing day. Guys. The Church has been restored and I am a member.

First, I just want to say I helped in the missionary effort. It's a big day for me! Well, yesterday. So, soon after my brother left on his mission, I sent him a copy of the Book of Mormon with my testimony in it. I just kind of figured it would go to someone, who'd put it on their shelf if they didn't throw it away, and one day they'd open it, read it, and the time would be right.

Well, my brother loves me too much for that, he made sure he followed the Spirit on who to give it to. I won't write her name, but she wrote a personal letter to me, thanking me for my testimony. To be honest, I can't even remember for sure what I wrote. I do remember trying to follow the Spirit and write from the heart. Anyway, it was amazing to read this letter, I started crying the second I realized what it was, and for those who know me, I'm not a cry-er (one who cries a lot). It was a very special moment for me to feel the love of my Savior, to know that I helped - even though it was a small portion of her conversion - to bring one soul to our Lord so she could feel of His healing and enabling power.

Amazing experience.

Today in my church meetings, I felt His love again, so strongly. He directs His children to help each other, to be ministering angels, and they don't fail Him. I'm personally working on being more service minded. I've got quite a tendency to focus only on myself.

Some thoughts I had were questions, and I felt impressed to share them here.

- How can I let go of whatever is holding me back from the Lord, even in a small way? i.e., my hurt/pain/temptation/addictions
- How can I study the Book of Mormon better?
- How can I turn more over to Him / how can I let Him lighten my load? This one was inspired by my backpacking trip last week. There came a point where I had to ask people to help bare my burdens because I couldn't do it alone. It is the same in my spiritual life.

So, I came up with personal answers to those questions, but mostly it involves a lot of prayer and a conscious effort to keep striving. A wonderful girl gave her testimony today and in it, she said that the Lord often gives us all we can handle, and then one more little thing to stretch us. I know this is true. I know that that one little thing helps us trust in Him, and recognize we cannot do it on our own, we never could, even that portion of "all we can handle" is dependent on Christ and His enabling grace.

Keep holding on to His hand and move forward. Keep listening and let your faith grow! There is always hope. There is always help, there is always something to work on, so keep striving. You will make it, you were put here to succeed gloriously!

Also, choose to let the little things stay little. Keep life in perspective and keep trusting in Him. You'll get there - with His help. There is hope and help ahead. Trust in Him.

Many Adventures

Ok. I have had a series of adventures culminating in today's thoughts. However, due to the adventures, I am worn out and will have to write again later or on my other blog.

However, really briefly, today I was touched by the messages of trials that can be aided by families, and how we are put here with the people we are because they are in the best position to help us. 

I have also thought about how we can be like mosquitoes to God. This may sound degrading, and no--the analogy doesn't fit for much, but let me explain my thoughts:

I recently went camping. In my tent, mosquitoes came in. Then they endlessly tried to fly out- of the roof. This naturally couldn't happen. And since I didn't want them in either, I tried to get them out by directing them to the door. Which, if they followed, they were given what they desired.

This can be like prayer. Sometimes we get stuck, and if we would follow God's counsel, we can get what we "want," freedom to move, to grow, to live. But because it comes in a way we don't expect, we can easily get trapped.

That's all I have time for today, but you get a very brief overview anyway :)

Humility in Practice

Today I remembered and have felt impressed to write this post as a background to an upcoming post for my other blog, Remember. The topic I want to write about must be done delicately because it is on the different faces of pride and how humility shapes us to allow God to mold us into who we truly can become.

Let me be clear, humility shapes us, which then helps us allow God to shape our eternal characters.

We briefly talked about humility in our Sacrament meeting, how having a broken heart and a contrite spirit allow us to repent, and how that is how we become as God. It was an incredible meeting.

Something happened to me today - I have been studying Isaiah lately in the scriptures, and one of the concepts is that revelation comes by small and simple things, that it comes "here a little, there a little" it's very poetic and I love it. I realized that this big task I've been given, to "give" God the control in my life, has been coming slowly and surely. This day, I learned that I don't quite yet have the desire to fully follow God's "schedule" for my life. I now want to have that desire, but there is still a rebellious corner of my heart that wants it my way, that wants it to be something I can control and maneuver between on my own.

As I've been learning the past few weeks, I am on my way to a truly contrite and humble spirit. I am working and I am improving. The Spirit guides me to become better and has been helping me daily realize things that can help.

Here a little, there a little. It's been amazing to watch the pieces of my progression fall into place with me just asking for help and desiring to become better. He listens and He helps me, always.

There are different types of pride in the balance of life. It all comes down to the priorities in our hearts, whether they be on God's truth, or whatever else we place as more important. God lives, and He will help you put the pieces together and become better, one step at a time, if you'll let Him.

Yesterday: July 15, 2012

So, I am late at writing this and I have 3 minutes before I have to go.

Yesterday was amazing. I felt the Spirit so strongly in Sacrament especially. I learned/remembered that repentance is a process, and that I can be faithful all the time. I don't have to plan for me to fail in faith. See, for awhile I'd been 'planning' to have a hard time having faith, just in an attempt to be rational about the whole thing, because I am not perfect, and so it would make sense. Well, yesterday, I heard very clearly that I am not to plan like that anymore. I am to plan that I will always be faithful, I will always have the help of the Savior, and though I will fall short, I will not fall, and I will not plan on it in my prayers or in my heart.

Repentance is definitely a process, one that I probably won't notice the differences in my character, but they are there. I can enjoy the fruits of repentance as I move forward.

Keep working hard, you'll get there! Sorry, I am out of time, but I hope you get the idea.

Trusting and Progressing

First, this is a detailed outline of talk that I gave today. It doesn't expound on everything, but it gives you a pretty good idea.

Main Point: Trusting in God even when others, and maybe even yourself, tell you otherwise… Having faith and trust in His promises to overcome fear and weakness that prevent progression	Scriptures: Proverbs 3:5-6 D&C 50:40-42 1 Cor. 10:13 Alma 5:33-38, 12:9-14, 32:21-42
-1 What does it mean to trust + why -2 How do we trust -3 Rationality -4 Others’ opinions	Examples and quotes, see below Testimony-

1 What does it mean to trust + why

Briefly, it is letting go of that fear, and it is so we can move forward, with faith that God is there, letting go of the need to know everything and just moving forward.

-2 How do we trust?

Elder Packer talks about how we need inspiration, and we are commanded to pray so that we are able to receive it.  It is a plea from our Father to help us get help.

President Eyring, Mountains to Climb: “Many of you are now passing through physical, mental, and emotional trials that could cause you to cry out as did one great and faithful servant of God I knew well. His nurse heard him exclaim from his bed of pain, ‘When I have tried all my life to be good, why has this happened to me?’”

“The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he? Therefore, hold on thy way….therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.”

1 Cor. 10:13

"Don't you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come." -Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

"So work hard, and pray, but do not worry" Howard W. Hunter

"Peace in this life is based upon faith and testimony."
James E. Faust

"You have a heritage honor it. You posses a testimony share it. You will face temptations withstand it. You know the truth live it."
— Thomas S. Monson

“Sometimes we let our thoughts of tomorrow take up too much of today. Daydreaming of the past and longing for the future may provide comfort but will not take the place of living in the present. This is the day of our opportunity, and we must grasp it.” Thomas S. Monson
“In Search of Treasure,” Ensign, May 2003, 20.

-3 Rationality

Proverbs 3:5-6, Alma 32:21-42

This one can be hard. When you want something to be true so much, and you don’t have all the pieces in front of you, it is sometimes so incredibly hard to trust that He will give you the pieces at the right time. Keep going. Deal with what you can, put the pieces you have together.

Be curious, but doubt not! Always hold fast to faith and to the light you have already received. Because we see imperfectly in mortality, not everything is going to make sense right now. In fact, I should think that if everything did make sense to us, it would be evidence that it had all been made up by a mortal mind. President Uchtdorf

D&C 50:40-42

-4 Others’ opinions/perspectives

“Every man eventually is backed up to the wall of faith, and there he must make his stand. “And if they are not the words of Christ, judge ye,” said Nephi, “for Christ will show unto you, with power and great glory, that they are his words…” President Benson

It is very important that we not assume the perspective of mortality in making the decisions that bear on eternity! We need the perspectives of the gospel to make decisions in the context of eternity. We need to understand we cannot do the Lord's work in the world's way. –Maxwell “But from a small moment”

Having faith and trust in His promises to overcome fear and weakness that prevent progression

There have been times in my life, recently in fact, where I have felt backed up to that wall of faith. I have felt so alone and helpless, too weak to carry on by myself. Luckily, I am not alone. I was able to hold on to that desire to know my Savior better, to know that His promises are real, so in those dark times, I was able to cry to Him, and He heard and strengthened me, and helped me move forward, even though I still don't have all the answers to my questions, I can move forward in faith.

Testimony Quotes:

President Eyring, Mountains to Climb “It is never too late to strengthen the foundation of faith. There is always time. With faith in the Savior, you can repent and plead for forgiveness. There is someone you can forgive. There is someone you can thank. There is someone you can serve and lift. You can do it wherever you are and however alone and deserted you may feel.
“I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life. I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment. One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop.
“There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience. Those reasons come from this one fact: in Their perfect love for you, Heavenly Father and the Savior want you fitted to be with Them to live in families forever. Only those washed perfectly clean through the Atonement of Jesus Christ can be there."

“Wherever you now find yourself on the road of discipleship, you are on the right road, the road toward eternal life. Together we can lift and strengthen one another in the great and important days ahead. Whatever the difficulties confronting us, the weaknesses confining us, or the impossibilities surrounding us, let us have faith in the Son of God, who declared, 'All things are possible to him that believeth.'"
—Elder Neil L. Andersen

Let me [remind] you [of]that we so blithely say in the Church that life is a school, a testing ground. It is true, even though it is trite. What we don't accept are the implications of that true teaching—at least as fully as we should. One of the implications is that the tests that we face are real. They are not going to be things we can do with one hand tied behind our backs. They are real enough that if we meet them we shall know that we have felt them, because we will feel them deeply and keenly and pervasively. –Maxwell “But from a small moment”

If God chooses to teach us the things we most need to learn because he loves us, and if he seeks to tame our souls and gentle us in the way we most need to be tamed and most need to be gentled, it follows that he will customize the challenges he gives us and individualize them so that we will be prepared for life in a better world by his refusal to take us out of this world, even though we are not of it. In the eternal ecology of things we must pray, therefore, not that things be taken from us, but that God's will be accomplished through us. What, therefore, may seem now to be mere unconnected pieces of tile will someday, when we look back, take form and pattern, and we will realize that God was making a mosaic. For there is in each of our lives this kind of divine design, this pattern, this purpose that is in the process of becoming, which is continually before the Lord but which for us, looking forward, is sometimes perplexing. –Maxwell “But from a small moment” –Maxwell “But from a small moment”

“Wherefore, ye may also have hope, and be partakers of the gift, if ye will but have faith.”

This topic was given to me that I may bear testimony before all that I know that He is faithful that promised help and happiness, and I know in whom I have trusted, even though the promises have not been fulfilled yet, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Just Right

June 24, 2012

So, in my meetings today, God truly guided their words to my soul. The messages were based on a talk from Neal A. Maxwell, who truly is inspired and called of God.

First, was the repeated lesson that our trials are never going to be pleasant, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself. This is a lesson I've been learning, because of my honest effort to endure well. It is hard for me to balance everything sometimes and it often feels like we're supposed to be happy all the time because of our testimony that it will be for the best in eternity. I am so grateful for the understanding that it is not supposed to be that way. Trials are always going to be hard and awful. A great attitude helps, but it is always going to hurt. Now, the trick is getting the balance just right--Luckily I've got my whole life, so as long as I keep striving, I will be ok.

Another lesson that truly helped me is that one speaker helped give me a concrete example of the difference between enduring and enduring well. See, all of us will endure. That's not the challenge. So, how do I endure well? She gave the example of Nephi and Laman and Lemuel (see this link). The three brothers were given a task from the Lord, each of them followed obediently. However, only one endured well: Nephi turned to the Lord repeatedly, and kept a good attitude as he was being stretched. I know that if we are meek, we will be stretched, and we will grow as our relationship with God develops. Press forward, Saints! I love that song.

Look around you, and find things to be grateful for, see the hand of the Lord in your every-day life. Remember that life is going to be awful at times, things are going to be so hard, but as they are, turn to the Lord for help. People have agency, and sometimes we bring to pass our own trials and hardships, or others inflict their will upon us. We can still have faith as we struggle, as we cry out for help, for that truly is an act of faith.

Sometimes we need to get a new 'prescription' for our spiritual eyes. When life doesn't go as planned, and your relationships are strained, get a new perspective, work hard to listen to the Spirit.

God helps people change internally, who then change their circumstances.

We know enough, our characters are strong enough to move forward in faith. Just keep asking for help and direction, and somehow, you will find the faith you need in your heart.

Remember the joy and peace the gospel brings. Remember to live it every day and share it with those around you. Everyone needs a little help somehow, and you were put into the place you are so that you can help.

Just What I Needed

June 17 - Father's Day
Wonderful day, definitely felt love for and love from my Father in Heaven and my Dad. :) I again have lots of notes, that I always am intimidated by. See, I take them on a small piece of paper, and write so small, when I get around to writing later, it seems like a lot of work to have to go through and dissect/interpret everything.

Lazy? Yes.

Let's see:
Power of the Atonement helps keep our lives in balance
Seek to have a more personal relationship with the Father

Oh, there was an amazing talk on "Sweet is the Peace the Gospel Brings" and the central nature of the family. Brother Child, a high councilman and institute teacher gave it.

Have the Spirit, have the wisdom of God with you. It gives you the strength, direction, and hope to move forward.

Let not your heart be troubled, Cristina. Be of good cheer. Return speedily and remember that it is ok to do hard things. :)

The Lord Hears YOU

I just wanted to post that I know the Lord hears and loves you. This day was truly amazing and it has helped me grow so very much. The Lord hears and answers me. I know He is there for you too.

I was a slacker about writing today, but that was because I was out living, which was much needed.

For instance, for an activity I am planning for RS, we are making a video where the guys in the ward answered three questions, it was amazing to hear their wisdom and perspective. Sometimes I think our society discounts men way too much.

That's slightly off topic, and I will remember to scan in my notes so you can see I did pay attention, I just don't have time right now to write them all.

Also, the Lord helped me find something today because He knew it was important to me, right in the middle of the closing prayer in Sacrament Meeting. He also helped me make a lot of new friends, which has also been needed and quite a blessing. And, He has helped me keep my testimony firm and my heart open, it was an amazing day.


Miracles happen all over the place, we just have to remember to see them. I hope and trust that as you experience the challenges before you this week that you will be able to go forward with a brightness of hope, that you confront each day with a love in your heart for others. I know that you will witness miracles, and that to do so, you must first have faith; for faith truly precedes the miracle.

We all need more faith, we all need more love and trust in our Savior. And we can find it by turning to Him a little more fully.

Here are my handwritten notes, sorry if you can't read them :)

June 3, 2012

Church today was lovely. It is amazing how the Spirit can direct a meeting. Our ward is actually incredibly unified and it makes living there a true joy. We all mourn together, but most of all we rejoice together, which is a better comfort for times of trouble, for we know we have people surrounding us who care and are our friends.

Sacrament meeting, our beloved 2nd counselor was released. In the student wards, the bishop and first counselor are from surrounding stakes (ours are from a stake in Lehi), and then the 2nd counselor is from one of the married student wards. Anyway, it was a joy to watch our ward's reaction to both the leaving member and the new counselor.

We discussed over and over again that we are right where we need to be, to keep going, to endure in faith, and my prayer in my heart for fast Sunday was truly answered. Lately, I've been making a ton of changes by degrees. I haven't had major break-throughs, per se, just little reminders, little helps, little insights, but I have loved every minute.

Sunday School we talked about the differences between God's way, and the devil's counterfeits, that look similar but are so fundamentally different.

Relief Society we discussed unity and individual worth. They were great lessons and I remembered and gained a lot.



Be bold and steadfast. We're not sliding around by chance. There is a divine meaning and purpose behind the direction and context of our lives. Treasure the Priesthood and hold on to your roles, to truly be unified, and to progress, we accept the different "positions" that men and women, leadership, the functions of society, and the different perspectives we each share, to gain the truth and stability to move forward.

He knows what you need and helps you find it. Reach out in faith for a miracle. It may not come as you expect, maybe it will, but open your minds and your heart enough to move forward.

Release the hurt and pain, become something better through the divine power of the Atonement.

Focus on goals, it is the differences that make life work, different roles give meaning and depth, and help us find joy. We each have a different part to play, we each need to feel valued and appreciated, and keep ithe worth and eternal perspective in balance. (**remember, that though we have a eternal perspective, we don't need to stress about the future, it will work out as we move forward in faith today, in dealing with each moment as it comes**)

You are in His hands and are being molded into who you truly are, the true, best version of you, that is already inside you, just surrounded in distractions or imperfections. You're on track.

Keep the commandments. Don't think of them as forcing/taking away who you are, remember that they are the markers, the 'items on the checklist' to find true happiness. A thought I just had: it's a recipe, no, you don't have to use those ingredients, but it won't come out the way you want if you use onion instead of honey.

Pain is definitely real. It hurts, and is a part of life. Don't negate its teachings, but know that if you keep moving forward in faith, no matter what problem you are facing, you'll come out stronger and closer to Christ. See, the reason you need faith is because it is going to seem impossible. It is going to seem like its never been done, and there is no way that you can find happiness. This is why you need faith in that Infinitely Powerful, Wise, and most of all Loving God, who is your Father and your Friend. Don't lose hope, you are on track. Your prayers are heard, and your answers are on their way. You are so loved.

May 27, 2012 Memorial Day Weekend

This weekend I celebrated my birthday with my family, and since tomorrow is Memorial Day, I will be going up to Logan and Hyrum, UT to be with my extended family, so I spent Sunday at my parents' ward.

My little brother got to give his first talk in Sacrament meeting, and he asked me to help him write it. His topic was on Temple Worship. It was a wonderful experience to write a talk without the stress of having to give it. :) I don't hate giving talks, but it's not my favorite. I really like preparing them though. For his talk we answered the four main questions, what is temple worship, how do we do it, when do we worship, and why do we worship in the temple?

I don't have my notes from the meeting with me right now, but it was a great meeting. However, I'd forgotten how noisy family wards were compared to my silent student ward. The Spirit was still there though, and that was all that was needed.

There are two main lessons I learned today: 1. Hope--don't give it up, and let it help you love others 2. Pride--I need to remember to be humble, and not be too proud to listen, even if it isn't new doctrine or creative presentation. The most important thing is to remember. It was then that I could actually learn from the Spirit.

I need to keep hope in my heart, here is an excerpt from something I wrote to myself the other day, when I was feeling firm in the faith--See, I've noticed I tend to go in cycles of faith and fear/doubt/despair so I write down how I feel with the Spirit so in the down times, I can remember. It was inspired and I am glad I listened:

If God is who I know Him to be, even if what I feel is prompting, actually is not, I would not feel confusion or doubt, I would still feel strength as I move forward, but the message of peace and strength would be different....The messages reinforce the voices of the two messengers, Satan and the Spirit. One is dark, the other is clear, light, full of truth. I am struggling to explain how I feel it. But, I know that I would feel differently, if the message was different, I would know.

See, for quite awhile, I have felt I have received a very special, specific, and is a sacred promise from God. Naturally, Satan has not allowed this to go unchallenged and it has been incredibly hard to know if this promise that I hope for with all my heart, is actually from God or if I created it myself. However, I feel that I can more easily identify the messengers and I can know of His truth.

The second point I wanted to remember today is to remember to be humble. I've been blessed in a ward of thinkers, we dive into concepts and the discussion is always just what I need to hear. In this family ward, it was still there, but not in the way I expected, and I was almost too proud to catch it. Thankfully, Heavenly Father has not left me alone, but has helped remind me to stay humble, to remember Him, and that it is more important that we remember, than that we are constantly learning new things each week. Alma taught the people to teach nothing but faith, repentance, and baptism. They had already done all those things, yet that is all they were taught, so I have to imagine there is always more to learn, but more importantly, we always need help remembering.

Sunday, May 20th

Today was filled with a lot of precious gems. My natural self wants me to postpone writing this and take a lovely nap, but, I will not have time the rest of the day to do so, and it probably won't get done this week if I neglect it, so here goes. I probably will try not to expound too much, on my notes, and just give you the gems...even if they don't make sense in this context. Though, I'll put them in complete-ish sentences.

Life is a trial, it follows similar paths for everyone, and others have come before and show the way to go in order to find joy.
There is always something to learn, which doesn't mean that I am ignorant, foolish, or weak now, it just means there is more to see.
The Lord comforts us. Be patient, success is on its way.
Simplicity. Beautiful. Complexity has its place, but it is built upon a foundation of simplicity.
Your foundation is in place. You are able to move forward, so do so. You may not have the "answer" to your earnest prayer, but there are many ways to move forward regardless.
We need to be proactively worthy. Be doing things to keep yourself worthy, don't just go through the motions, but choose to be worthy, omitting the wrong and acting righteously.
Be prepared to receive blessing sthat were promised, and search for opportinities to serve.
Put your total fath in Christ. Press forward, Saints, be steadfast. You'll get there.
Act. Choose. Live. You can become like God if you choose and follow through.
This is the way, you are in the right place. Keep going. Live like His Son.
Always listen to the Spirit, and strive to truly listen to each other. You'll find ways to serve and to find joy.
Keep doing the little things, they will be magnified because of Christ, seek to bless the lives of others.
Be united in faith and direction. We are people of God. Find the power to look beyond yourself to see the needs of those around you, through the Atonement, through the Spiritual Gift of Charity.
Recognize that we are all, including you, children of the Most High God.
How do you react to hard times?
God softens hearts, keep praying for the hearts in your life to be softened. Yes, it is their choice, their agency, but God can help, have faith.
It is ok that you are experiencing 'great afflictions' (at least according to you in the moment of trial--looking back they never seem as hard, which is also ok). Cry unto the Lord. That means actual tears are ok. It is ok to hurt, it doesn't necessarily mean a lack of faith. I definitely struggle, I have hard days, I hurt, and I need to cry sometimes. Yet, I am a person of more faith than I realize, and you are too. Christ will help your unbelief as you come to Him with as much faith as you can muster. He strengthens us, and delivers us, even if we experience hardship along the way, we are still delivered, we are still saved and protected. For instance, yesterday, I was in a really awful parking lot, and I am currently borrowing a car from my boss. I was really nervous to get out ok, it was really tight, there were bunch of people and cars trying to move all at the same time in a limited space. I kept praying, and I felt as I got into my car that I would be taken care of. So, I moved forward. Couldn't get out. Kept feeling like it would be ok, but confusion and I don't really know what it was called, were clouding me, yet, I kept going. I decided to go a way that embarrassed me, putting me in front of these people, who looked {though probably weren't} laughing at me. I don't like to be the center of attention, and for a little bit I was, and I was doing what I feared, showing my inadequacies--this time as a driver. I was kind of hurt as I finally made it through that the Lord hadn't made my exit a graceful, perfect event, as He has done in the past. Instead, there was a lot of little adjustments, but thankfully, I recognized quickly that the Lord was still there. I didn't scrape the car on the neighboring vehicles though they were extremely close, I didn't run over anyone, though for a time it looked like I would since they just felt like sitting in the parking lot right where I wanted to go {seriously, just sitting in the middle of the parking lot}. He was with me. I was still driving, but He was there guiding and protecting me, comforting me when I allowed Him in.
Rely on God when you are in trouble. Don't limit your resources by only relying on your wisdom, your strength, He is infinitely wise, powerful, and loving. Trust Him, you are not "weak" or "worthless" if you ask for help. You are truly wise, not yet as He is, but you're on track.
Choose vs. compel to ____ for instance, humble. When we choose, it always is better than having to be compelled to be. It has more meaning because it is who we are, not just acted upon by an outside force.
Find joy in the journey based on where your focus is. If we don't choose to be humble, our trials will humble us.
Magnify your calling. Be unified. Feel your divine worth. These things provide eternal guidance along our mortal path. More meaning and depth than what meets the eye. Take a minute and apply it to yourself.
We all have our "Gethsemane-s" turn to the Savior for healing. Life can continue, you can keep progressing, even without an answer, yet as we keep going in faith, we find strength in Christ and healing through the Infinite Atonement.

I have a work cut out for me, and guidance along the way. We'll all get there if we keep moving forward with whatever level of faith we can manage.

May 13, Mother's Day

Church and the day in general were really great. There were just little comments throughout the day that touched me, and then being able to spend the day with my family was just what I needed.

I've been having some friend trouble lately, nothing dramatic, just a drift apart, but that is still really hard to deal with. So, what I got today helped me feel charity and enough strength to do what I needed to, and do it for the right reasons.

When you feel the Spirit, you learn truths. You know it to be true when you feel love, joy, peace, goodness, mercy, meekness, etc.

Charity is a power, to look beyond yourself, to sacrifice for others because you recognize their worth. If ye have not charity, ye have nothing.

Recognize God, turn from the world in faith. Give up sin to know God- what is holding you back?

Believe in Christ and deny Him not, do not deny His love, His power, His plan, His miracles, anything. He fulfills His promises. That by seeking to understand scripture, you will not fall. There is a quote by Elder Holland, "Love. Healing. Help. Hope. The power of Christ to counter all troubles in all times—including the end of times. That is the safe harbor God wants for us in personal or public days of despair."

See the whole talk here, sorry I didn't fix the formatting on this one, it's getting very late for me.

Book of Mormon teaches us how to receive personal revelation. How has it helped you?

Sometimes, with a limited perspective and understanding of true principles, it is easy for me to question and not understand/comprehend God's power to fulfill His word. Sometimes His promises truly seem impossible, they don't make sense right now, and sometimes we don't get an answer for a very long time.

The church truly is sent from a loving God to help guide us on the right path. I know that sounds silly, cliche, whatever, but the Spirit bore witness of it again to me today and I wanted to share it.

Resolve to make your life work. Resolve to work at life, and the things worth keeping in your life.

Be fiercely loyal to God, do the small and simple things everyday to get to know Him, through reading of Him, and by speaking with Him. Reread "The Privelege of Prayer"