Late ...again

Life...gets away from me sometimes. And as I am mostly just writing a journal, I suppose it is ok that I am a little late.

Well - this last week was Stake Conference. One of the main things I learned from the adult session was when I ask a question, I must truly want God's answer, and I must be able to then act in faith because of that answer.

Writing it down, it seems so elementary and cliche to have to discover. Yet, that's what I needed to learn. See, my mind and heart are not unified. And - if I can't even be unified with myself, I cannot receive an answer. And, I didn't realize up until this point just how serious the divide in my mind / heart was.

Sunday night I had a tender experience with God - I almost don't want to share it on here; but I will. See, I've been having this spiritual war inside me for over a year and I haven't felt like I've made much progress, it's been fairly cyclical. Yet because of stake conference, I felt the need to offer up my fears, sins, and non-unified desires up to God. What better result can you have from conference? They were specific items - and as I gave them up I felt quite like King Lamoni's father. I identify with him strongly. Like him, I want desperately to come to know God - to feel what I intellectually know about God, and to know what I truly feel when I receive revelation - but I have a lot of sins to give up. So, this time, I sincerely prayed for them to go away, that Christ could take them from me. I wonder{ed} how this works but had the sweet realization that the King of the Lamanites had less of an idea about how giving up his sins would change his life than I do - and it is possible. I can give up my fears, my pride, my selfish, lazy heart, and I can come more fully unto Christ.

And it starts one day at a time. My resolution and prayer is that I can continue to pray each day for help coming unto Christ, that I can stay true, that I can have my mind and my heart be more unified with God - at the same time, so the conflicted soul I am so used to can get a little break - and eventually not be part of me any more than a memory. It's quite the undertaking to help me become like Christ is, but He says He can, so I will continue on the path Christ has set me and trust in His infinite care.

(in other news - this is my 52nd post - pretending I posted only one per week it would be a year of me doing this - however, it looks like my first post was April 8th - so I must have double posted or something... still cool :)  )